Truths and Conversations
by ShoeQueen
Summary: Jacob is dying and makes Jack come to terms with his feelings for Sam, and elicits a promise from him. Rated T for language, and sexual content (maybe). I haven't written that far yet, but it's always possible.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me.**

**This has not been beta'd, so all mistakes are mine and mine alone.**

**Reviews much appreciated!**

General Jack O'Neill sat in the observation room staring down at the man dying on the bed below him. It had come as a shock to them all to find out that the Tok'ra symbiote, Selmak, had died within her host, Jacob Carter, retired Air Force general, and father of the SG1's Colonel Samantha Carter. After their victory at Dakaara, Jacob had told them he was dying. While Selmak had volunteered to leave Jacob's body, Jacob had refused, trying to hold on as long as possible in the struggle to defeat the Goa'uld. Allowing Selmak to die within him, Jacob had signed his own death warrant. Jack scrubbed a hand over his eyes. He suddenly felt the full weight of a command he'd never wanted.

Sam had gotten the word while she'd been standing outside his house, about to tell him something he knew would change their relationship forever. He'd known exactly what she'd planned to say, as he'd wanted to say those same words to her a hundred times in the past. Part of him wanted her to say it, and another part didn't; the part that was scared. He'd never regretted dating Kerry, more than he did at that moment. He'd known when they started dating that she was a poor substitute, and that in the end he'd only end up hurting her.

Jack changed into his uniform and followed Sam almost immediately to the mountain. He'd known Jacob, who he affectionately called 'Dad,' for many years, and the thought that he was now dying, after being saved by the Tok'ra, hit him harder than he had thought it would. He and Jacob had had an uneasy friendship at first, probably because Jacob didn't trust him based on his past, and his intentions toward Sam, but over the years, Jack would like to think they'd become real friends since they'd first met. It would be hard for all of them to lose Selmak, who'd been the voice of reason, and champion of the Tau'ri, or humans as Jack preferred to think of himself, in the Tok'ra council, but to lose Jacob, would be devastating. It would naturally hit Sam harder than anyone, but it would be blow to everyone at the SGC.

He'd sent Sam to freshen up, change, and get something to eat an hour ago, and expected her back at any moment. She'd been sitting with Jacob for more than 10 hours, crying, talking to him and waiting; waiting for him to die. Jack promised to watch over Jacob while she was gone. He'd come up to the observation room while the medical staff came in to check up on him. He'd promised Jacob he'd back as soon as they were done, and headed down to the room as soon as they turned to the door. He met the doctor, whose name he hadn't bothered to learn, outside the door. "How's he doing, doc?"

The doctor looked up from his chart, and gave Jack a grim nod. Jack took a second to glance down at the nametag on the white lab coat: Brightman. "It's not looking good, General. He's got maybe 3 or 4 hours left, tops."

"Damn," Jack muttered under his breath. He nodded to Brightman and stepped into Jacob's room.

Jacob's eyes were closed, but his heartbeat monitor beeped steadily, if slowly, and his chest rose and fell sluggishly, proving that he was still alive, much to Jack's relief. He couldn't imagine how Carter would feel if Jacob died while she wasn't there. He couldn't imagine how much she'd resent him for making her leave for a little while. Clapping his hands together, Jack pasted on a smile on his face and pulled a chair up to Jacob's bed. "So, Dad, how's it going?"

Jacob opened his eyes, and turned his head toward Jack. "Ah, you know," he replied in a raspy voice, "just dying."

"Hey, hey," Jack chided. "None of that, okay? Who knows, you and old Selmak could suddenly rebound and you'll outlive us all. You Tok'ra are a sneaky bunch."

Jacob smiled at the younger man with affection. He'd grown to like and respect Jack over the years, and was glad they would have a moment to speak alone. "Sorry, to disappoint you, but that's just not going to happen this time."

"I'm sorry Jacob. I'm so, so sorry. I wish there was something I could do." Jack said in a soft voice.

Jacob waved a hand at him. "If it weren't for you and the SGC, I'd have died years ago, and never gotten these last few years with Sam and Mark. Don't think I have any regrets in that regard."

Jack sighed. "Well, no regrets is the way to go, I suppose."

"I said had no regrets in that regard; I didn't say I had no regrets, Jack. I've got plenty of those."

Jack shifted in his chair, suddenly uncomfortable. "I'm not here for a confession, Jacob."

He shifted in the bed, trying to sit up, and Jack quickly moved to help him. "I know, but there is one thing I have a great regret about and Selmak has been trying to get me to talk to you about it forever. As this is likely my last chance, I feel that I should." Jack shifted again in his chair, not sure he wanted to hear what Jacob had to say. "Don't worry," Jacob assured him, watching Jack squirm. "It's nothing bad. Well, it's bad because I've never said anything, but it's really good, I promise."

Jack said nothing, but fought the urge to cross his arms and look at the ceiling. Jacob would be gone soon, and Jack knew the man deserved to be listened to. He nodded for Jacob to continue.

"Where's Sam?" Jacob asked.

"She's in the commissary. I can get her if you want," Jack offered, thinking Jacob had changed his mind. He started to rise, but Jacob waved him down.

"No, I just wanted to know where she was. I wanted to make sure she's not coming back right now. It's you I need to talk to."

"Okay, Jake, talk away. I'm all ears."

"Don't be flip Jack, this is serious." Jacob knew for all Jack's bluster and appearance of foolishness, there was a sharp mind behind the façade, and that Jack was always taking everything in the room, and assessing the situation. He knew he didn't need to admonish Jack, but it made him feel better to jab at him just a little. When Jack gave him a mock salute, Jacob smiled slightly. "Jack, I need to talk to you about Sam."

Jack held in a sigh. He did not want to talk about Carter to her dying father. "Jacob, I promise you, Carter will be well taken care of. She's got Mark and Shanahan, and her SGC family to help her get through this."

Searching Jack's eyes, Jacob said, "And what about you, Jack? Will you be there to support her?"

"Of course," was the clipped reply. "She's under my command."

Shaking his head in frustration, Jacob gave Jack a hard look. "Is that all, Jack? She's just another officer under your command?"

"Well, we've been a team for years, and have become…"he searched for the right word, "friends of a sort."

"Don't lie to me, Jack. You are more than friends, and you know it. I've known for a long time how you feel about my daughter. Selmak has too. Hell, half the base and most of the Tok'ra know it, and I'd hazards a guess that at least a few people from every planet you've visited know too. Why are you denying it? Why are you denying her?"

Jack stood and paced the room, agitatedly. "Jake, this is a pointless line of discussion. Sam…Carter," he quickly corrected himself, "is engaged to Shanahan, remember? There are also rules and regulations, and too many years between us, anyway." _And now, too many people_, he thought. "We may have had some…feelings early on, but that was just, well, I don't know exactly what it was, but it's long faded." _At least for Carter, _he kept himself from saying. He'd thought one day he might retire, or move from her chain of command, and see if they could make a go of it, but Carter had moved on, and he was happy for her. He told everyone he was at least, even if deep down it he ached at the very thought of her with another man.

Jacob coughed deeply, and began chocking. Jack rushed to his side and was about to call in the docs, when the coughing stopped. "I'm okay, no need to call anyone in. I'm not done talking to you. Sit back down. All that pacing is making me dizzy."

Jack complied and sat back down next to the bed. "As I was saying, I'm tired of watching you two try so hard not to admit your feelings toward each other. I don't have much time left on this world, and I want to know she's going to be happy."

"She's marrying Shanahan, remember? She loves him." Jack tried to keep his voice even, but even he could hear the strain.

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Come on, Jack. You and I both know he's a sorry substitute for the man she really wants. Hell, he isn't even a shadow of the man she really wants. I can't figure out what on Earth she sees in him, unless she's hoping that finding the exact opposite will make her forget. Forget you, Jack."

Staring at the ceiling, Jack wanted more than anything to believe Jacob's words, but the hard truth was that Carter would soon be marrying that…he couldn't conjure up a word strong enough to adequately express what he thought of Shanahan. He wasn't even sure what Carter saw in the man, but it was her life, and it wasn't his place to interfere. "But, she agreed to marry him," Jack said quietly.

"One word from you, and she'll drop him in a heartbeat." Jacob tried to reassure him. "Why do you keep denying happiness? It's not just your happiness. You're stealing the happiness Sam deserves. Can you live with that?"

"It's not my choice," Jack said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Jacob felt his anger rise. "Dammit Jack, I don't have much time left! Don't let me die knowing you two are too stubborn to get what you really want in this life. If I had a second chance, I would have been there to pick up my wife that night, and maybe our lives, Sam and Mark's lives, would have been better. I wish I had told Sam's mom that I loved her every single day, and not just by rote, but so she knew I really meant it. I couldn't change that, but I did get a second chance with my kids. I wasted so many years denying things or pushing them down in a deep part of me, and now I regret every single day. Do you want to die with so many regrets?"

Jack rubbed a hand slowly down his face. "I already have too many regrets."

"I know you do, Jack. I know. I remember when…well, when it happened." He was referring to Jack's son accidentally killing himself years before, but didn't want to actually say it. He hadn't know Jack personally at the time, but he certainly remembered when the Special Ops colonel went a little nuts, and retired. It had been the talk of the upper brass for quite a while. When Jack had come back to the Air Force to work in 'deep space telemetry,' which was how the Stargate program was still known, everyone had wondered what could have drawn such a daredevil officer back to work in such a dull field. "Please, don't make Sam another regret. Time isn't infinite you know. Even the Tok'ra have only a certain amount. Selmak had many regrets in her almost 2000 years of living, and she felt the same about you two. She's the one who convinced me to talk to you. I'm just sorry I waited so late."

The walls seemed to compress on Jack. He looked around at the familiar drab gray, thinking how cold it really was. He realized the walls had reflected his mood for many years; gray, dark, cold. Carter had brought warmth and sunshine with her, and he realized he never noticed the coldness of the walls when she was in the room. He wondered what his life would be like after Carter was gone from it. He thought there might no longer be sunshine, and that scared him. It scared him more than anything since he'd lost Charlie.

"Jack?" Jacob broke through his thoughts, and Jack turned toward him. "Just answer this. Do you love her?"

"Yes," Jack replied, feeling a weight lift from him at saying it out loud, even it wasn't to Carter.

Jacob smiled. "Then you have to tell her. Tell her before it's too late. Today. Promise me."

Jack swallowed hard. "Jacob, I can't. Certainly not today, when…" he waved his hand vaguely. They both knew he was referring to Jacob's imminate death. "This is hardly the time."

"This is the time, Jack. She will need you more than ever. She will need to know you will be there for her, not just as a friend and commander. She needs to know she's loved. Consider this my last request. You can't deny a dying only man his last request can you? Promise me, Jack. You have to do this. Today."

Nodding, Jack smiled grimly. "I promise. But then what?"

"You'll figure it out, Jack, together," the older man assured him. "You've always been there for each other, even when you didn't realize it. It's always been the two of you, Jack. Always." He seemed to lose his strength, and suddenly closed his eyes.

Jack stood and turned around to go get the medical team, when he heard Jacob speak softly. "What?" He asked turning back to the bed.

Swallowing with some effort, but looking better than he had moments before, Jacob gave him a small smile. "You'll take care of her, won't you? When I'm gone? Not that she needs anyone to take care of her, but…you'll be there, right?"

Reaching over, Jack grabbed Jacob's hand. It was cold and papery, and Jack couldn't reconcile it with the strong vibrant man he'd known. He gave it a small squeeze of comfort. He wasn't normally a demonstrative person, but he needed to do this, to show Jacob his friendship and appreciation. "You know I will. Carter…Sam is my world. If I lost her, I'd lose everything I am; my heart and my soul. If," he swallowed hard, a lump forming in his throat. "If she'll have me, there will never be a day she doesn't know I'm there for her, even if we're light years apart."

"That's my boy," Jacob said softly. "I'm sorry I won't be around to call you my son."

The door behind Jack opened softly, and he turned to see Carter standing there. His heart leapt at the mere sight of her. "Carter," he greeted her, nervously. He glanced over at Jacob. "As you can see, I've been keeping Dad here company. He's told me quite a few things about you as a child. I'm not sure I believe them all though."

Sam smiled at him, pain clear in her soft blue eyes. "Is that true, Dad? Have you been telling all my secrets and embarrassing me?"

Jacob smiled as she drew closer. He looked between the two of them, and knew he was right to talk to Jack. Sam would be next, but he knew he had to couch it more gently, and far less direct with her, or she'd become skittish. Sam and Jack were both dedicated to the military, but they had to stop putting it between them. "Maybe one or two stories," he lied.

Sam looked down and saw that the General's hand was still over Jacob's. "Everything okay?" She nodded downward.

Jack started to pull his hand away, but Jacob held on with a tighter grip that Jack thought he should be able to have. "Jack was just being a good friend. I appreciate it." He looked up into Jack's eyes. He thought he saw a sheen of moisture in them. "Thank you for being here."

Jack squeezed Jacob's hand lightly. "Thank you, Jacob. For being who you are, and for giving the world such an amazing daughter."

"That was the easiest thing I've ever done," he replied, letting go of Jack's hand.

Looking over at Sam, Jack gave her a brief smile. "I guess I'll leave you two alone for a while."

Sam sat on the edge of Jacob's bed and took the hand Jack had just released. "There's cake in the commissary, Sir," she told him. He knew she was trying to stay upbeat, but her eyes were so bleak and sad. He wished he could take all the pain away.

"Thanks." He strode to the door to leave them for a few last moments alone.

"Jack?" Jacob's voice stopped him. "Promise?" Jack nodded his head. "Good."

"No problem, Jacob. And, um, thank you. For everything."

"Goodbye, Son."

Jack almost lost his composure. Turning suddenly to face the bed, Jack came to attention and snapped off a smart salute to the dying former general. "Goodbye, Dad." He left the room before Carter could say anything. He was sure she was perplexed by their conversation.

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Not my characters.**

**This is a short chapter. The next will be longer.**

**Sorry about the crazy formatting on the first upload.**

**Reviews appreciated.**

Jack's heart hammered as he sped to his office. His mind was in a whirl and he needed something to take his mind off the man dying in the room behind down the hall. When he finally reached the conference room, he rushed through to his office, closed the door, and sat behind his big desk. He hated the hell out of that desk. He'd never felt it wasn't really his; like he was a kid playing at his dad's desk, hoping not to get caught. For a moment, he laid his head back into the leather of his chair and wondered how things between he and Carter had gotten so screwed up. Years ago they had both admitted feelings for each other, and in the days, weeks months and years since, had fallen into a pattern of looks and careful touches to remind themselves of the unspoken promise between them. After she came back from the Prometheus though, things had changed somehow. He had wanted to take the galaxy apart to save her, and snapped at anyone who suggested she'd never make it home. When she did make it back to him, he felt a shift in their relationship. He'd never quite understood what happened to her during the time she was missing, but he could feel her pulling away slowly. The more she pulled, the more he wanted to go after her, wrap his arms around her and tell her exactly how he felt, regs or no regs. He realized she'd been trying to move on, and had respected her decision, even though it was something that ate at him every day. He'd even tried to move on himself, but knew it would never work. There was no substitute for Carter. He groaned and rubbed his palms hard into his closed eyes. Kerry. He'd totally forgotten about her since the moment he'd gone after Carter. Damn, he had to talk to her. Had to explain…something. Hell, he had no idea what he was going to say, but knew he had to talk to her in person. She deserved that.

He was about to stand to go look for her when Walter came bustling into his office with a stack of papers in his hand. "Sorry to interrupt, Sir," he said. "I know this isn't a good time, but I need these forms signed before EOD."

Jack waved him over and Walter placed the pile on the desk. "I'll have these for you soon." Watching Walter leave the room, he sighed. It looked like Kerry would have to wait a while longer.

An hour later, he was done with the signing, had sent them off to Walter, and now sat a little confused, staring at the wall. Kerry had come in and called things off between them before he'd had the chance. It seemed, like Jacob, she too knew his true feelings, and urged him not to let the military get in the way of what he wanted. It was probably the last thing he expected, but was grateful that she'd done it, and not him. He'd never been good at calling off relationships. He appreciated her honesty, and knew that they could still have a good working relationship. She was certainly a classy and likable woman. Some man would be lucky to have her, but it wasn't going to be him.

He looked at the clock. The Tok'ra council had come through the gate about 30 minutes or so, and were preparing Jacob and Selmak for their imminent death. Jack didn't understand what all was involved, but it was there custom, and while he normally didn't give a flip for what the Tok'ra wanted, he'd been more than willing to allow it for Jacob and Selmak's sakes.

Standing, he stretched the muscles in his back. He hated sitting behind a desk all day, but knew he was getting too old for constant field missions. His aching knees constantly reminded him that he was no longer a young man. He left the office, and headed back towards the medical ward. He wondered suddenly if Carter would think him too old after all these years. While she was still in her late-30's, he had recently celebrated 52. He decided it didn't matter at the moment. He'd get her through this, and then lay his cards out on the table, and let her make the decision. He would respect whatever she had to say, even if crushed him.

Jack decided to go directly to the observation room instead of Jacob's room. When he opened the door, he saw a slim figure sitting there, hands clasped in front of her. Sam looked over as he slid into the chair beside her, their shoulders touching. He needed to do something. He needed to help her. They chatted inanely about Jacob, but it was stuff they both already knew. Without thinking, he slid his arm around her shoulder, pulling him to her. She reached up and took his hand and leaned into him. Without conscious thought, he knew this was right. This was where he was meant to be. Carter needed him, and he'd be there for her in every way he could. Always.

They sat, him holding her, tears slipping gently down her cheeks, watching the Tok'ra perform their rituals. When they were done, Sam looked over without saying a word. They stared at each other momentarily before she stood and went down to say a last goodbye to Jacob. Jack watched from the control room, and wanted nothing more than to wrap her in his arms and tell her how much he admired her, and how very much he loved her. He'd tried letting her go, but deep down, he knew he never would. He'd promised Jacob he would tell her, and he would. She had to know, and he had to say it. She was engaged to Shanahan, but before she walked down the aisle, she had to know how he felt. If she still went through with the wedding, then he would at least know he'd tried. He'd spent too many years trying to keep his feelings under wraps, and in that damn room, but if he didn't at least try, like Jacob had told him earlier, he'd regret it for the rest of his life.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Still not my characters. Sigh.**

**This has not been beta'd, so all mistakes are mine and mine alone.**

**Thank you all so much for your comments and reviews. To all the 'guests,' I wish I could thank each and every one of you personally, but since I can't, know that I appreciate you taking the time to leave a comment.**

**This is a really long chapter, but there was no way to split it. This is probably NOT what you were expecting, but I hope you like it.**

**Reviews appreciated!**

Hours later, after the Tok'ra had taken Jacob's body through the gate, Jack went to Sam's lab. He knew he'd find her there, and stood for a moment just watching her. She sat almost in the dark, one small lamp illuminating her, making a golden halo of her hair. "Hey," he said as he stepped in.

Sam's head snapped up. "Sir," she said standing, by years of training. He waved her back down, and she sank back onto the stool.

He came to stand near her. "Talk to your brother?"

She nodded. "Yeah, he's shocked, but handling it as well as he can, I suppose. He'll be here next weekend for the memorial ceremony. So, did you need something, Sir?"

Tapping his hands on the table in front of him, he felt anxious. "I, uh, just came to see how you were doing. I mean, I know you're not doing well, but, just wanted to see if there was anything I could do to, um, help."

"Actually," she looked up at him with a small smile. "I'm doing okay. It seems strange to say, but while I will never stop missing him, I'm at peace with what happened. Of course I wanted more time with him, but I got more than I ever expected, and we said a proper goodbye, as family, not two people who just happened to be related."

Jack didn't know what to say. She never ceased to amaze him, this woman he loved. "I'm glad you did." Pausing for a moment, Jack suddenly didn't want to be there. He couldn't tell her at the SGC. "Hey, you look like you need to eat. Let's go grab something to eat and we can take it to my place. You need to leave here for a while."

Sam tilted her head, as though questioning him. "Okay, sure. Sounds great. It's not like I can concentrate anyway. Just let me grab my stuff. Meet you topside, Sir?"

Nodding, unsure he could trust his voice, Jack turned and headed down the hall. He found Walter and told him he was leaving for the night, and unless there was an invasion or the mountain was on fire, he was not to be disturbed. Walter gave him a suspicious look, and Jack wondered how much his intrepid sergeant knew, but decided he probably didn't want to know.

Ten minutes later he was topside, standing by his truck, going over in his head what he was going to say. At least he was trying to go over it, but the words jumbled up and chased each other until they were just a jumble of nonsense, and his stomach was knotted with nerved.

Carter walked up, interrupting his thoughts, "Sir?"

"Sorry Carter, just...you know." She nodded and started walking past him to her car that was always parked next to his truck. Jack reached out and put a hand on her arm. "Listen, I don't think you should be driving right now, so we'll take my truck, okay?"

She crinkled her forehead. "What about my car?"

"We can get someone to bring it to you. I don't, um, I don't want you to be alone right now." And he wanted to keep her near him as he worked up his courage.

"Thanks, Sir. I appreciate it." Jack opened the door for her and closed it after she climbed in. He blew out a heavy breath as he walked around to the driver's side. This was not the day to tell her this, and he wished he'd never promised Jacob he would.

Climbing in, he cranked the truck and headed away from the mountain. They drove in silence for a while, each lost in their own thoughts. Sam was thinking about her father and her engagement and the man sitting next to her. When he'd held her earlier, as they watched the Tok'ra, she'd felt things she never felt when Pete touched her. Things she knew she should feel, and it scared her. She thought over her father's words to her about being happy, and having everything she wanted. The problem was that she really couldn't, not as things stood. She slanted her eyes towards her commanding officer without moving her head. She'd been nervous, but so ready to talk to him earlier in the day. There were things she felt she needed to tell him, but when she saw Kerry Johnson come out, fear and pain had gripped her, and she knew she'd waited too long.

When she'd gotten the call about her father, she'd run off, thankful for the excuse to get away. If she'd only known at the time how very badly that perfectly times phone call would truly turn out. She let out a soft sigh and laid her head back on the seat. So many thoughts were running through her head, she was afraid it really might overload this time. She was a mass of feelings: anger, sadness, doubt, confusion, embarrassment and nervousness. She wondered what the General thought of her, after her almost confession today. She hated herself for giving in to feelings she shouldn't have considering she was engaged to another man. She winced at the thought of Pete. Dammit, she hadn't even called him to tell him about her dad. She should probably do that, but the thought of talking to him made her head hurt worse than it already did. He'd want to rush over and cuddle her and treat her like she was fragile and precious. She had to admit, at least to herself, that it was an annoying habit of his. She'd taken care of herself since her mother died, yet he frequently treated her like she was incapable of doing even the simplest things. She felt an instant stab of guilt. He wasn't a bad guy, he was quite sweet in some ways, but he just wasn't the guy for her. She knew she had made a mistake in accepting his proposal almost the moment she had said yes. She had to call it off, but not today; she simply didn't have the energy to face him today.

Jack glanced over and Sam. Her eyes were closed, and he wasn't sure if she was sleeping or just thinking after such and emotional day. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and take her pain away, but knew he couldn't, at least not yet. He wished Jacob had never made him promise to this. He wanted her to be happy, and he hoped Jacob was right about her feelings for him, but what if he wasn't? Nerves had his voice nearly paralyzed, but he forced words through his mouth. "Carter?" When she looked over at him, he smiled slightly. "What are you in the mood for? I know you probably don't want to eat, but you need to. You have a rough few days coming up, and we can't have you pass out from weakness."

Sam knew he was right, but the mere thought of food, made her stomach flip. "Whatever you want, Sir. I don't really care, as long as it's not pizza."

He shot her a sideways glance. "Getting tired of, are you?"

She tilted her head to the side. "Well, you do seem to treat it like it's a food group all on its own."

He chuckled. "I could have sworn it was. Okay, not pizza then. Chinese? Sub sandwiches? Pasta? Steak? Burgers? If none of that sounds good, I whip up a mean omelet. I've got a secret ingredients and everything."

"Beer is not really a secret, Sir. We all know." Sam smiled. "Really, though, it doesn't matter, as long as it's not too heavy. You pick."

"Okay, sub sandwiches it is," he told her, turning off in the direction of his favorite sub shop. "You wanna eat here, or take it to my place?"

"I don't want to stay here. Too many people. Too much light."

"My place it is, then," he said pulling into the parking lot. He was glad she didn't want to stay, as he couldn't imagine talking to her about such a personal matter in a sub shop. "The usual?" When she nodded, he jumped out of the truck, and headed in.

Sam laid her head back against the seat again, staring out at the small shopping center. People were walking around, smiling, laughing and going about their evening. She briefly wondered how they could be so happy, when the world was in so much danger, but decided it was really better that way. She turned her head toward the shop, and could see the General waiting for their to go order. She smiled when he turned back toward her, and gave a small wave. It was strange how they always seemed to know when the other was looking their way. It was some sort of weird connection they have. She felt a stab in her heart and knew what she had to do. I wasn't going to be easy, but it was necessary.

Jack climbed back in the truck, placing a bag between them before heading back to his house. When they got there, he jumped out, ran around to the passenger side and opened the door for her. Sam climbed out, holding the bag and smiled at him. They were quiet as they entered his house, but it wasn't uncomfortable. "Beer? Diet soda?" He asked headed to the kitchen.

Sam followed him, and placed the bag on the counter. "You have diet soda, Sir?"

Jack looked up sheepishly. "Um, well, you know, I never know when you might drop by, so I um, keep it around."

"Oh. Well, that's nice, Sir." She wondered if he was telling the truth. Maybe Kerry Johnson drank them, and he was just trying to make her feel better. She suddenly wondered where Kerry was, and if she'd be over later. She didn't think she cold face Kerry after the day she'd had. "Um, Sir," she said tentatively, "is Miss Johnson going to be joining us?"

Clearing his throat, Jack quickly looked down before meeting her eyes. "Kerry, Miss Johnson, and I are no longer seeing each other. We, or rather she, decided it wasn't really going anywhere."

"Oh, Sir, I'm so sorry. Are you sure you want me to stay?"

"Carter," Jack said on a sigh, "no disrespect to Miss Johnson, but it wasn't really a serious relationship, and we'd only been seeing each other for a couple of weeks. If she hadn't beat me to it, I was going to end it."

Sam didn't know what to say. She felt an odd sort of lightness at his words, then a stab of guilt. She shouldn't be happy over his break up. He had been alone too long, and deserved to have someone in his life.

"Carter?" Jack said for the 3rd time. When she shook her head, she realized he was speaking.

"Sorry, Sir, off in space I guess." They both smiled at her choice of words. "What were you asking?"

"Beer or soda?" He held two drinks in his hand.

Sam reached out to grab one. "Definitely beer. I need one after the day I've had."

Taking their food, they settled on the sofa. Jack usually left a large space between them when she was over for team night, but this time, sat close, mere inches separating them. If Sam noticed, she didn't say anything. Reaching for the remote on the coffee table, his arm brushed across her leg. He felt the heat coming through her BDU bottoms and it caused his heart to race. He looked down and realized they were both still in their uniforms. "Hey, Carter, would you like to change? I mean I have some sweats that you can wear. They'll be big, but far more comfortable."

Sam paused for a moment at the thought of wearing his clothes and being surrounded by his scent, but nodded. "That would be great. Thanks."

Several minutes later, Jack, wearing a pair of sweats and t-shirt, sat down and waited. He had just taken a drink of his beer when Sam came walking out. He smiled at the too large Air Force sweats that she wore. The sleeves were far too long, but she'd rolled them up, and he thought it looked adorable. Fortunately he'd found a pair of bottoms with a drawstring, so she would be able to at least keep them up. "Feel better?"

She sat down next to him, and he noticed she'd sat as close as he had earlier. He cleared his throat, knowing he had to talk to her, but wasn't quite ready. "Simpsons?" He asked, picking up the remote. "Might cheer you up a little, or at least take your mind off…you know, everything, while we eat."

"Sure, sounds good."

They ate in silence while watching the familiar yellow characters on screen. When they were finished, they both sat back, and Jack placed his arm gently around her shoulders, drawing her into him. "Okay?"

Sam sighed as she snuggled into his warmth. "Yeah. It's been a long, long day, and this is nice." She felt drowsy, and let her head drop onto his shoulder. In the back of her mind, she knew she shouldn't be doing this, but she justified it by the stress of the day, before she slipped into a deep, comfortable sleep .

Jack let her sleep, and reveled in the feel of her against him. She'd had a rough day, and he knew she needed some down time. He also felt he needed time to rehearse what he was going to say to her. Kissing the top of her head, he turned the TV off, and let the quiet settle around them. He nuzzled her hair and took in her scent. He'd been a fool for far too long when it came to her. Jacob, and even Kerry, was right about letting regs get in the way of happiness. There was still the problem of her engagement, but he had promised Jacob he'd at least tell her, and then, well, he didn't know. He hated not knowing, and it scared him. He didn't expect her to pronounce that she was calling off her engagement for him, but part of him wanted to carry her off and make her forget all about Shanahan. An hour later, he still had no real idea what he was going to tell her, when she stirred against him. "Hey, sleepyhead," he said, when she lifted her head. "Feeling better?"

Sam jumped back on the sofa and he immediately missed her warmth and scent. "Sir, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to, um, fall asleep, and certainly not on you."

Shrugging, he gave her a smile. "No big deal, Carter. Besides, I told you I'd always be there for you, and I meant it, even if it's as a pillow."

"Thank you, Sir. I appreciate it." She ran a hand through her hair, which she was certain was a mess after sleeping against him. When she'd first woken up, she hadn't quite realized where she was, but had felt a sense of contentment and peace she hadn't felt in a long time, if ever. When she realized she was practically in the General's lap, she felt like she'd been burned and immediately jumped away. A complete sense of sorrow and ache over took her at the loss of contact, and noticed he'd looked hurt by her reaction.

Patting down a lock of her hair that was still sticking up in an adorable way, he smiled. "Carter-no, Sam," he corrected himself, knowing he should use her first name for this conversation. "I know it's been a hard day, but we need to talk."

She nodded. "Yeah, I know."

"Good. Wait, you know?" He was taken off guard by her words. "Ooooookay. Would you like to go first?"

Nodding again, Sam cleared her throat. "After-after talking to my dad today, I realized a few things about my life and where it was heading."

Jack's eyes widened slightly at her words. What was she talking about? "Carter?"

Taking a deep breath, she looked toward the cold fireplace. "I'm calling off my engagement." There was silence in the room, neither quite knowing what to say.

After trying to make sense of her words, he worked to tamp down the happiness that burst through his chest. It wasn't right for him to feel happiness at the pain he knew Shanahan would feel in losing her. He pushed the thought away and found his voice. "Are you sure, this is what you want? I mean, you've had an emotional day, so you probably shouldn't be making life changing decisions right now, should you?"

She looked back at him, her eyes clear. "I think I made the decision before today. No, I know I did," her voice softened, thinking back to her earlier trip to his house. It seemed like a million years ago now. "After talking to my dad today, I knew for certain that I had to do it now before things went any further."

"I'm sorry, Sam."

"Don't be. It's the best for everyone. I thought I wanted a normal life with a husband and kids, and a house with a yellow kitchen, and a dog, but when Pete bought the house, I don't know, it just hit me that normal seemed so…boring. I mean, I've crossed galaxies, and met aliens and seen things most people don't even believe exist. How could I ever want normal?"

Jack swallowed, dropping his eyes to the floor. "Normal isn't always a bad thing you know. I had normal once."

Standing, Sam walked over to the mantle, where a photo of Charlie sat, and noticed it was the only one that didn't have a layer of dust. She touched the frame gently. "I know you did. And while it may have worked for you, I don't think it will work for me. I'm not that person. Does that make sense?"

Jack didn't say anything, her words floating through his head. He couldn't take it in. It _didn't_ make sense. He stood and walked over her. He looked at the photo her fingers rested gently on of the little boy smiling, just days before he shot himself with Jack's gun. He missed Charlie more than anything, and wished he could have seen the man his son would have turned into. He thought about his life before the SGC, and realized it had never really been normal. "But, what about Shanahan? I thought, um, I thought you loved him." In the back of his mind, he wondered the hell he seemed to be championing Shanahan.

Dropping her hand from the photo, she turned toward him, choosing her words carefully. "I care for him, and I tried to convince myself that I could make it work, but deep down, I knew it wouldn't. Part of me just wanted the life he kept trying to give me. The problem is that I don't really love him, not like I should. I think he knows, but keeps trying to get me to love him. God, I let him going on thinking all this time that I wanted a life with him, when all I really wanted to do was run the other way. Am I a terrible person?"

"No, Cater, no." he said, seeing tears shimmering in her eyes. "You are definitely not a terrible person. You're an amazing person. I understand how you could want that kind of life, but if you're not in love with him, it won't work. You'll both just end up being miserable."

"I know, Sir, but…" she hiccupped softly, trying to keep the tears at bay. "It's just that-" It was just that she was in love with someone else. She was in love with someone she could never have, and who no longer had feelings for her.

"C'mere," he said softly, for the second time that day. She stepped into the circle of his arms, and he closed them around her, holding her gently while she wept. He rubbed his hands up and down her back, giving her what comfort he could. After a long while, when her shaking finally stopped, he let her go, took her hand, and led her to the sofa. They sat down, but he didn't let go of her hands. "Okay, now?"

She nodded, and gave him a small smile. "Yeah. Thank you, Sir. I thought I'd shed all my tears for the day, but apparently not."

He wiped away a trace of tear still on her face. "Believe it or not, you always have more tears, even when you think you don't." He glanced up to the photo of Charlie. "Trust me."

She nodded, and looked down at the hand that was still holding hers. His eyes followed hers, and he squeezed gently. "Look, there's something I need to tell you," he started. His stomach was in knots, and his mouth was dry. He was silent for a long time.

"Sir?"

"Dad and I, we, um, we had a talk today while you were out of the room, and he-he made me promise something. To do something, I mean."

Sam's brow furrowed. "Okay. And what was that?"

Taking a deep breath to steady himself, Jack momentarily closed his eyes. When he opened them, she was staring at him curiously. "I'm not good at this, Carter-Sam. I never have been."

"Good at what, Sir?" She tilted her head to the side the way she did when she was trying to figure something out. Jack smiled at the familiar gesture.

"He made me promise that I'd do this today, which I think is a bad idea, but I promised, and I try my damndest to keep my promises."

"I know," she told him. "It can't be that bad, go on."

"Given what you've just told me though, it will certainly be easier." He said, more to himself than her.

Sam scrunched her brows again. "Sir, what are you talking about?"

"Carter-Sam, can we please leave ranks at work? I need us to just be Jack and Sam. Can we do that?"

She nodded slowly, clearly confused. "Okay…Jack."

"Good. Good. That's good. Sam."

Sam had no idea what was going on, but it was clear that the General, no Jack, was nervous. When he was quiet for a long time, she decided to speak. "Um, Jack? You wanted to say something?"

Standing, Jack walked away from the sofa, and began pacing. He wanted to tell Sam how he felt, but couldn't find the words. _Dammit, Jacob,_ he thought, _why today? _

Sam watched him walk back and forth in front of the fireplace. "If it's something my dad wanted you to say, then just say it."

Jack nodded and walked back to the sofa and sat next to her, not able to quite look at her yet. When Sam reached over and placed her hand on top of his. He lifted his eyes to hers, and was taken aback by the caring look in them. "Okay, here goes. Dad told me I needed to tell you the truth. About how I feel," he paused. "About you."

"What?"

Jack's heart was pounding, and he wondered if she could hear it. He knew he had to go for broke. "Sam, the truth is, I love you. I always have. It never stayed in the room for me."

Sam sat stunned, staring at him. Her mind whirled and emotions washed over her like a tidal wave. "You never stopped?"

Jack shook his head and gave her a smile. "Never. There hasn't been one day I haven't loved you."

She snatched her hand away and stood up abruptly, taking a few steps away, her back to him "I can't believe this," she said, almost in a whisper.

It was not the reaction Jack expected. "Sam?"

She whirled to face him, anger burning in her eyes. "No! No! Don't say anything!"

"Sam, sit back down." he said, confused by her anger.

"Is that an order, Sir? I thought we were just being Jack and Sam," she air quoted their names.

"Of course it's not, it" he started, but she held up a hand cutting him off.

"Well good, because that means I can say what I want." She paced like he'd done earlier. "How dare you! How dare you do this to me! Do you know what you put me through all these years? Do you know how long I wanted to hear you to say those words? Do you know how many times I cried myself to sleep over you? Do you?"  
>"Sam, I never-"<p>

She cut him off again. "No, you didn't. You just let me go on thinking you no longer cared."

Jack felt his stomach dropped. "I thought it was for the best. I thought-"

"You thought! YOU thought! Did you ever give me the chance to think for myself when it came to us? No, you didn't. You thought you knew what was best for me. You made a decision for me!" Her eyes were blazing, but there were no tears.

"You were the one who wanted to keep it in the room," he reminded her.

She whirled toward him. "Not forever! Not so long that I doubted that you felt anything for me. And you didn't argue when I suggested it."

Jack felt his own anger rising, but tried to maintain his control. This wasn't her fault. "If I had told you, what would you have done? Left the Air Force? Transferred out of the SGC? You and I both know you wouldn't have done that? The Air Force and the SGC mean everything to you. What were your options?"

She shook her head. "I don't know what I would have done, but at least it would have been up to me."

Jack stood and walked to her, trying to figure out what had happened. Hadn't he done what was best for them? For her? Hadn't he suffered too? "Sam, I'm sorry, I never wanted to hurt you."

She stepped closer to him, and poked her finger in his chest. "But you did. For so many years I hurt over you, and then I decided it was hopeless and that I needed to move on with my life. When I did you never said a word. You never even gave me any indication that you cared. Not one."

Jack looked down and the finger she'd repeatedly been poking him with. "I wanted you to be happy."

She gave a hollow laugh, turned away and then whirled back to him. "Did you know that the day I showed you the ring, deep down, I wanted you to say something. I wanted you to stop me, but you never said a word. Not one!"

Jack thought back to the day she'd shoved the ring box across the desk at him. When he'd seen it, he felt his heart break for the third time in his life. He'd gone to his office and contemplated breaking everything in it. "Sam, I wanted to. You have no idea how much I wanted to tell you to say no. It hurt so much, but…"

"But what?" She yelled. ""But what?" She paced away from him, then whirled back to face him. "Would you have let me go through with it? Would you really have let me marry Pete? And what would you do? Carry on being noble in your pain?"

"Sam, please," he said softly, stepping toward her. "Please don't do this."

"Do what, Jack? Get angry because you're only telling me now because my _dad_ made you promise? And what would you have expected me to do, had I not told you I was calling off my engagement first? Drop into your arms?" He reached out to touch her shoulder, but she pulled away. "Don't. Please don't touch me." Her voice had finally softened, and the tears finally came.

Jack wanted to hold her and tell her it would all be okay, but that was something he couldn't promise. After this, he wasn't sure anything would ever be right again.

"God, Sam," his voice faltered. "I'm so sorry." Turning from him, she walked toward the kitchen pulled out her phone, began punching buttons. "What are you doing?"

"Calling a cab. I can't stay here."

Jack reached her quickly and snatched the phone from her hands. "No, we need to talk about this. Stay."

"There's nothing more to talk about. I need to leave."

Jack took in her posture. She no longer looked angry, but defeated, and he ached for her. "I'll take you home," he said sadly. "Don't say no, just…let's go."

The drive to Sam's house was tense. She refused to look at him, but chose to stare out the window instead. "Carter?"

"Don't," she told him. "I can't handle this right now. My dad is gone, I'm about to call off my engagement, and we still have to figure out what to do about Anubis. I really don't need any more on my plate, especially this."

Jack nodded, though he knew she couldn't see him. God, he'd been such a fool. He'd thought she'd run into his arms and tell him she loved him too, but clearly he'd misjudged her feelings for him. They finally reached her house, and she grabbed for the door handle. "Carter," he said, halting her motion. "Don't worry, I won't bring this up again." Sam just nodded and got out, slamming the door behind her. He watched her until she made it into the house. "I'm so sorry, Sam," he whispered to the air. Picking up his cell, he flipped through his contacts and punched the name when he found the one he was looking for. When it was finally picked up, he apologized for the lateness of the hour. "George," he said more calmly than he felt. "Is that job at HWS still available? If so, my answer is yes." He listened. "Yeah, 6 weeks is fine. I can get all my stuff in order by then, and be ready to PCS. And George? Thanks." Flipping the phone closed, he took one last look at Sam's house before driving home to spend the rest of the night with a bottle of whiskey and a six-pack of beer.

**Don't hurl things at me. Things are always darkest before the dawn. Or so I hear. I don't get up early. )**  
><strong>TBC<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Still not my characters. Sigh.**

**OMG, I'm so happy I didn't upset you guys with the previous chapter. I was really worried I would lose most of you, but your reviews were surprisingly positive (if not heartbroken). Thank you so much!**

**This is a short chapter, but a longer one is on the way.**

**This has not been beta'd, so all mistakes are mine and mine alone.**

**Reviews appreciated.**

Sam closed the door behind her, and slid down to the floor, letting the tears flow freely. She was angry with her dad for leaving her, and angry with Jack for keeping his feelings from her for years, but mostly she was angry with herself for being so stupid. She ached from the pain, and wasn't sure how she'd ever face him again. That wasn't an option though, as they still worked together, and they'd have to sit across from each other day in and day out, trying to pretend that this never happened. She decided she'd have to transfer out of the SGC. Ironically that was the thing the General had been afraid of if he'd told her how he felt. Leaning her head against the door, she gave a bitter laugh. After all this time, he'd finally told her, and she felt nothing but anger towards him. She was such an idiot. He still had feelings for her, and she hadn't even realized it. He'd done such a good job at keeping them under wraps, that she thought they'd gone away completely. If she'd known, she'd never have looked twice at Pete. How could she not have known? Her dad apparently had though, and he convinced the General to say something. She felt humiliated and heartbroken. Her whole world had fallen apart in the space of a single day, and she had no idea how she would pick up the pieces and move on.

When the General, Jack, she corrected herself, as she clearly needed to separate them in her head, had told her he loved her, her immediate emotion had been joy and happiness, but that had been quickly replaced by hurt and anger. It was unfair, and she knew it, and she felt sorry for yelling at him, but she couldn't stop the words and pain that escaped her. Part of her wanted to call and apologize, but she was sure she was the last person he wanted to hear from. She could tell that she'd hurt him, but didn't know how to take it back just yet, if she ever could. She'd probably killed anything he felt tonight with her words.

Standing, she stumbled blindly to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of wine from her refrigerator. She didn't get a glass, but carried the full bottle to her sofa and sat down in the quiet darkness. She didn't want to think about anything, and thought maybe getting drunk was a good idea. It might maker her forget for just a few hours. After about a quarter of the bottle though, she decided it probably wasn't the smartest idea she'd ever had as it would likely lead her to drunk dial the General and tell him everything she'd always wanted to. She couldn't believe how much she'd screwed up. It hurt so much. Placing the bottle back in the refrigerator, she walked to her bathroom, grabbed a sleeping pill and collapsed on her bed. It was only then that she realized she was still wearing Jack's clothes. She was completely surrounded by his scent, and it made her weep until her body finally succumbed to a mercifully dreamless sleep.

**I told you this was short! I thought some of Sam's anger and grief should be explained. The next chapter will be up soon(ish).**

**TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Not my characters.**

**Thanks so much for your comments. You too guests. I know the last chapter was short, but this one is slightly longer and the next one will be too.**

**This has not been beta'd, so all mistakes are mine and mine alone.**

**Reviews appreciated.**

Anubis had been defeated through means no one quite understood, but it was over, and Daniel had come back yet again. While they had all been happy to see him, Sam was thrilled to have her friend back. She'd missed having him hang out in her lab, relished in his enthusiasm for her techno-babble, bouncing ideas of him, and just being able to talk about everything. She hated being so selfish, but she knew she needed someone to lean on and Daniel would gladly take that role. To her surprise, he knocked on her door the same night he'd returned.

"Sam," he said, a smile on his face when she opened the door.

She hugged him on the stoop and brought him immediately inside. "Daniel! What are you doing here? Not that I'm not incredibly happy to see you. I thought you'd be tired or something with the whole descending thing, and just want to sleep for a day or so."

He shrugged. "Believe it or not, being ascended is quite refreshing."

Laughing, Sam led him to the living room, and then went to get him something to drink before sitting next to him, and placing her hand on his arm to make sure he was real. They'd lost him so many times, she had to be certain he wasn't just a figment of her imagination. "You doing okay? It didn't bother you to descend yet again?"

Daniel pondered her question for a second. He hadn't really given it any thought. He'd just descended and that was that. "You know," he said, "not really. Sure it was nice to know so much, not that I remember most of it, but I love my friends and really missed you all. You know, being ascended is kind of lonely. It's good to be home."

"Well, I'm certainly glad you're back. We missed you too. Of course the General never…" she trailed off, sad at just the thought of him. Other than the absolute necessity at work, they'd not spoken since the night Jacob died.

"Jack, what?" Daniel prompted.

Taking a drink of her diet soda, she looked away and mumbled, "He never believed you wouldn't be back."

"Well, Jack's always been stubborn." He watched her closely. "So, what's going on with you two?"

"Nothing. Why do you ask?" Sam asked far too quickly.

Daniel had immediately noticed the tension between Sam and Jack, and didn't like it at all. Every time he'd been ascended, he'd realized more and more how very important love was to humans, and Sam and Jack were completely miserable without each other. "Sam, clearly there's _something_ going on. You two never look each other in the eye, the only smile you gave him all day was tight, which is incredibly rare, by the way, and you two were tiptoeing around each other like the other had the plague. I've known you both for too long not to see something is wrong. I've only been back for one day, and it's incredibly obvious. Don't you think others might have noticed too?" When Sam gave a non-committal shrug, he continued. "Come on Sam, tell me what's going on."

"It's complicated," was all she said, looking over at the wall.

"Of course it is," Daniel said. "Everything between the two of has been complicated from day one. Why is that do you wonder? Because you're both too stupid and proud to admit that you love each other beyond reason."

"He-he told me he loved me," she whispered.

Daniel smiled. "Well, that's fantastic!" When she looked over at him and he saw tears shimmering in her eyes, he was startled. "Isn't it?"

Shaking her head, Sam felt the pain of that night wash over her again. "I yelled at him. I got so pissed off at him for keeping it from me for so long that I couldn't stop myself." Tears began to fall in earnest. "Daniel, I was…mean. I yelled at him for telling me he loved me. How could I do that?"

Reaching up, Daniel wrapped his arms around her. "Oh, Sam. It couldn't be that bad."

"No, it was," she assured him. "I said horrible things to him; things I never thought I'd say to anyone, especially not to him. I accused him of making decisions about my future that he had no right to. He was so hurt. I finally told him I needed to leave, but I didn't have my car, so he drove me home. When I got out of the truck, he told me he'd never bring it up again."

Daniel rubbed her back in a comforting gesture. "What do you feel for him, Sam? Do you love him?"

Her head dropped. "God, I do. I love him so much, but now I've ruined it. I got engaged to Pete, which I've called off, and then when he tells me how he feels, I pushed him away. I think I hurt him beyond repair. He'll never forgive me for this." She took a shaky breath. "I'm putting in for a transfer to Area 51."

Daniel was clearly taken aback. "What? Why?"

"Because I can't stay at the SGC and look at him every day knowing what I did. Besides, without him, there's really no SG1. This last year, it just wasn't the same. You know that. And now, Teal'c is probably going to stay on Dakara to help out the Free Jaffa, and I know you're still dying to go to Atlantis, so where does that leave me? I don't want three new teammates, and I just can't be around him every day. He can either set up a new SG1 or retire the team number forever. I don't care."

Daniel nodded slowly. He knew she was right. It wouldn't be easy on either of them if they couldn't fix it. If this was the only way they could both survive, then he would support them, even if it made him sad to watch. "I will be sad to see you go, but I understand. I just got back, and now you're leaving. I'm going to miss you so much, Sam."

She turned to hug him, and whispered, "I will never stop missing you."

Pulling away, he looked her in her still watery eyes. He could see the pain in them, and it broke his heart. He wanted to be angry with Jack, and part of him was, but he also felt sorry for him. It couldn't have been easy on him watching her day in and day out, not being able to love her in the open, and then to watch her get engaged to another man. Daniel had seen the hurt, but when he tried to talk to Jack about it, but had been shut down before Daniel had gotten more than five words out. If he couldn't talk to Jack, maybe he could convince Sam to make it right. "Sam," he said cautiously, "if you love him, tell him. That's all you have to do. If he truly loves you, you'll find a way to work things out. After all this time, after all you've been through, and all you've given up, you deserve to be together. Just give it a chance. You can make this right."

Sam shook her head. "No, I think we're beyond repair." She wiped at her eyes. "We're broken, Daniel, and I don't think we can be fixed. I did this, and now I can't undo it."

"Ah, Sam, I think you underestimate him."

Sam leaned back against the sofa. "I don't want to talk about this any more. I have my dad's memorial tomorrow, and I can't think about Jack. It hurts too much."

They sat in companionable silence for a long time, before chatting about his time as an Ascended being. While he knew she was always fascinated by what he did remember, especially because he always remembered something new and different each time, he suspected this time she was more interested in not talking about Jack than what he remembered. They talked about Jacob, her engagement, Anubis, the victory on Dakara, and everything that had happened in the time he was gone. Hours later when she asked if he wanted to stay in her guest room, he agreed, but only because he didn't think she should be alone.

**TBC (soon)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Still not my characters.**

**This has not been beta'd, so all mistakes are mine and mine alone.**

**Two chapters in one day! What? I know! AND it's a long one. That's how much I love you all.**

**Thank you all for your comments!**

**Reviews appreciated.**

Jacob's memorial was held a few days later in the Air Force chapel. Sam watched as pews filled up and the room quickly became standing room only. She hadn't realized how many people had known her dad over the course of his life. He'd been withdrawn from his family after their mother died, but he'd been a damn fine officer, and well respected during his long career. The Tok'ra had taken Jacob's body, because they couldn't take the chance that the NID, or The Trust, or whatever other rogue agency out there would try to steal his body and dissect him and Selmak to use for their own gain. Sam had told Mark that Jacob requested cremation, so an urn full of ashes from an unclaimed body sat at the front of the chapel along with a large photo of the late General.

Sam, her brother, Mark, and his family sat in the front row, along with General Hammond, a few of the Joint Chiefs, Daniel, Teal'c, and General O'Neill. Jacob had asked before dying that Jack be the one to give his eulogy, which Sam had thought weird at first, but then realized he was the perfect person to give her dad a proper send off. This was the first time Sam had seen him outside of work since the night of Jacob's death, and he hadn't said a word to her, but walked right past her to take his seat. It hurt her to see him, and as much as she tried, she couldn't stop from cutting her eyes his way. She noticed how good he looked in his uniform, but then again knew he looked good in anything. When the music that had been playing ended, he stood and walked to the podium and her eyes followed his every move.

He took a deep breath before he began, and looked straight at Sam. He'd tried to keep his eyes from looking her direction, but couldn't help himself. He thought she looked beautiful despite her sadness, and obvious lack of sleep. His first instinct when he saw her near the door was to draw her into the circle of his arms and take the pain away. Even if they didn't have a strained relationship, the regs would have kept him from doing so, but that didn't mean he didn't want to. Seeing her every day at work was pure torture. They'd been polite and professional, but it wasn't the same, and he knew he'd made the right decision in taking the job in DC. Even after he was gone, he'd still have to work with her every now and then and wondered how that would go. He'd put his heart on the line, and she'd crushed it. That was more than he could take. He looked away from her blue eyes and began. "I had the privilege and pleasure of meeting Jacob Carter several years ago. Of course I'd heard of him, and his reputation long before then, but I'd never actually met him. When I did, I don't think he liked me very much." He took a quick glance at Sam, and saw her flick a brief smile, before continuing. "Fortunately, my charm and wit won him over, and he didn't even kick up a fuss when I playfully call him 'Dad.' It was an honor to have that kind of relationship with him, and I learned a lot during the short time I knew him. Aside from being a great military leader, he was simply a good man. He loved his country, his family, his friends, and well, the whole Earth if you must know." Once again his eyes flicked to Sam and they momentarily had one of their familiar, silent conversations. His voice hitched as he continued. "His path was never an easy one, but he walked it with purpose. He dedicated his life to making this world a better place, and as I look out here at the many faces here to pay their respects, I know that he succeeded. While Earth is a darker place from his loss, we're all better for having known Jacob Carter; especially me. Rest in peace, General." When he finished, he closed his eyes briefly, before walking back to take his place before the chaplain began speaking. He looked towards Sam again, despite doing his best not to. Her eyes were watery, but she held herself like the military officer she was, and a streak of pride ran through him. He noticed Daniel was holding her hand, and he felt a pang of jealousy. He wanted nothing more than to be the one she turned to. While the chaplain spoke, his mind went back to the night Jacob died and he remembered every word of their conversation. Her words still cut through him like a knife.

_"Do you know what you put me through all these years? Do you know how long I wanted to hear you to say those words? Do you know how many times I cried myself to sleep over you? Do you?"_

"_You just let me go on thinking you no longer cared." _

_"You thought! YOU thought! Did you ever give me the chance to think for myself when it came to us? No, you didn't. You thought you knew what was best for me. You made a decision for me!" _

_"Don't. Please don't touch me."_

Everything she'd said was true. As much as he'd meant every word, he wished he could go back and keep it all to himself. He'd rather her just be his friend than hate him as she did now. They'd never be friends again, and he mourned that loss more than the fact that she didn't love him. He wanted to be angry with Jacob for making him promise to do it, but he couldn't. No matter when he told her, she'd probably have had the same reaction. If he'd been a smart man, which he'd never claimed to be in matters of the heart, he'd have told her years ago, to hell with the consequences. He'd retired once, and there was no reason he couldn't have done it again. He'd justified it by telling himself that he was doing it for the good of the world, but he knew that was just a way to cover up the fear he'd felt if she rejected him, and she had.

When the memorial was over, Jack wanted nothing more than to run away, but given the number of brass present, he had to stick around for the reception that followed. Sam had decided her father would want a party to celebrate his life, rather a sad wake, and had made arrangements at Doolittle Hall. He stood, leaning over the rail of the atrium, looking down at the tables and people gathered below. He had been steadily throwing back drinks since he'd arrived and silently thanking whoever decided on the open bar. He was on his fifth drink of the evening and it still hadn't dulled the pain he felt. He watched Carter's every move, despite the fact that he'd vowed not to. His eyes had refused to listen to his brain though, and he followed her lithe form as she moved from table to table to chat with the people who'd attended the service. Even in her grief, she smiled at them, and chatted pleasantly, putting them all at ease. She has studiously avoided the table he'd chosen though, and rather than stay there, feeling rejected, he'd walked up to the atrium, where he could watch her more inconspicuously.

"Hey, Jack," Daniel said, coming stand beside him, looking at the people below. "That was a really good eulogy. Jacob would have been pleased. I thought you didn't do speeches."

Jack finished his drink and stared at his recently returned friend. "Yeah, well, every now and then it seems I channel you."

"I don't think I could have done that. I'm sure Sam appreciated it."

Jack pressed his mouth into a thin line, and stayed silent.

Daniel tried again, and waved his arm towards the floor to ceiling window where the chapel and snow capped mountain could be seen. "So, nice view, huh? I think Jacob would have liked knowing we were here in his memory." Jack continued to hold his silence, causing Daniel to roll his eyes.

"O'Neill," Teal'c greeted him as he too joined them. Daniel was glad for the back up.

"T," Jack greeted him. "How's it going on Dakara?"

"It goes well, O'Neill. I believe, despite the different ideas and factions, we may be able to form some sort of government in time. It will be difficult to bring together former enemies and turn them to allies, but I will not give up hope."

Jack nodded and patted the larger man on the back. "That's great, T. I'm sure with you and Bra'tac at the helm, it will work out." Taking a quick glance around he turned back to Teal'c. "Speaking of, where is Bra'tac?"

"He decided to get some rest back at the SGC before departing again for Dakara." Bra'tac had attended the memorial for Jacob, as they'd actually had a decent relationship, considering Jacob was Tok'ra and Bra'tac was Jaffa. The two groups had not gotten along, but Bra'tac and Jacob, along with the Tau'ri, had tried to bring them together in the common goal of defeating the Goa'uld. Unfortunately that had been easier said than done. Still, the two older men were smart and saw the advantage of working together, and had become friends of a fashion.

"Are you headed back with him?" Daniel asked.

"I will not. I believe it is better if I stay on Earth for a while. I would like to be here for Colonel Carter in her time of grief." He slanted his eyes towards Jack. "I am certain that is what good friends do for each other, is it not, Daniel Jackson?"

"Pretty much," Daniel replied. "Friends are often more like family, and since her brother and his family are heading back to California tomorrow, she's going to need her friends now more than ever. You don't abandon your friends when they need you."

Jack looked between them. "You two got something to say?"

Daniel and Teal'c wore identical innocent expression. "Why would you think that, O'Neill?"

"Because," Jack enunciated, his voice hard, "you seem like you have _something_ to say, and if you do, I'd like for you to get it over with."

"Nope," Daniel said, looking back down at the people below. "So, have you talked to Sam?"

"No." Turning towards to Lounge, where the bar was set up, he started walking. "I need another drink."

Teal'c and Daniel watched his retreating form. He back was stiff and shoulders set with barely concealed anger. "This is not good," Daniel told Teal'c.

"Indeed it is not, Daniel Jackson."

Daniel tilted his head to the side, watching as Jack disappeared from view. "Suppose we should follow him?"

Arching a brow, Teal'c continued to stare in the direction Jack had gone. "We should not," he replied. "We shall anyway."

Daniel smiled and followed as Teal'c went after Jack. "This is bad, Teal'c. I don't think I've ever seen them like this. Sam is sure they can't be fixed this time." Daniel had of course told Teal'c what had happened between Jack and Sam. He was certain Sam knew he would, so he didn't feel guilty at all. They'd been a team for seven years, and what one knew, they generally all knew, except for the time Jack had gone rogue in an attempt to find out who was stealing alien technology, and forced them all out of his life. While Daniel understood why Jack had done it, he still felt a little bitter about that whole incident.

Teal'c glanced over as they continued to walk. "As I have learned watching the building of the Free Jaffa Nation, there is nothing that cannot be fixed. It may be difficult, but it is not impossible."

Daniel mulled that over, spotting Jack sitting in a wingback chair with a drink in his hand. "I hope you're right," he said softly before they sat down.

Jack heaved a sigh. "Really, guys?"

"Really, Jack," Daniel told him. "We know you and Sam aren't well…" he searched for the right word. "Um, getting along so well right now."

Mumbling something under his breath that sounded like quite a curse to Daniel, he gave them both a hard stare. "Carter and I are fine, Daniel."

"You are not fine, O'Neill. In fact, you are very unfine." Teal'c commented.

"Et tu, Teal'c?"

Daniel leaned in towards Jack. "Look, we know what happened. Between you two, I mean."

Jack looked momentarily surprised, but schooled his face into a mask of indifference. "You don't know anything."

"But-"

"No buts, Daniel. Not this time. This isn't your business."

Daniel glanced over at Teal'c for support. The other man nodded for him to carry on. "Jack, you need to talk to her."

Jack let out a hollow laugh. "We talk at work every day."

"That's not what I mean, Jack, and you know it." Daniel's voice got slightly louder, and more urgent, but when he realized a few other people had turned their direction, he spoke slightly softer. "You need to talk to Sam, not Colonel Carter. If you don't, well, I don't know. You'll have spent seven years of your lives waiting for nothing."

Teal'c looked at Jack, his face as impassable as ever. "Daniel Jackson is correct, O'Neill. As I have learned in my long life, nothing in this world is infinite. You must take a chance, as I took one on you all those years ago on Chulak."

"It's not the same thing," Jack insisted. "And besides, as I'm sure you two busybodies already know, I did talk to her, and…it didn't go well." His voice held the sound of defeat.

"Try it again," Daniel urged.

Jack finished his drink. "I'm many things, but I am not a glutton for punishment. I said what I had to say, and I will not repeat it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with my sofa." He stood and walked away, but Daniel walked after him.

"Jack, you've had a lot to drink. Should you be driving?"

"Walter will take me home," he said. Walter Harriman, whom Jack thought of as the Radar O'Reilly of the SGC, had told Jack after his third drink to find him when he was ready to leave, and he would make sure both Jack and his truck got home safely.

"I can take you," Daniel offered, hoping he could talk Jack into at least thinking about talking to Sam.

"I'm good, Daniel," Jack told him, speeding up to get away.

On the first floor, Jack found Walter chatting with a few other airmen from the SGC who had worked with Jacob in the past. When he approached, they all stood in deference to his rank, but he waved them back down. "Ready to go, Sir?"

"More than you know, Walter."

Walter and Siler stood. "Um, okay, Sir. I'm going to drive you home in your truck, and Siler's going follow in his car, and take me back to base."

Jack looked between the two of them. "Sounds good. Thank you for this. I appreciate it."

They both smiled. He'd worked with the two of them from the beginning and had grown quite fond of them. Siler was incredibly accident prone, but he was always there to help when there was a problem with the gate, and Walter, well, Jack didn't know what he'd do without his bespectacled gate operator/assistant/voice of reason. "We'll be right back, Sir. Meet you out front?"

Jack nodded, and went to say a few necessary goodbyes. It wouldn't do for him to walk out on the Joint Chiefs without saying something, and he wanted to see George again before he left. He'd asked George not to say anything to anyone at the SGC about his transfer, as he felt it would be better coming from him. He didn't tell George he planned to not say anything to the majority of the people until the day before he left, lest someone get it in their head to throw him a going away party. Cake or not, the last thing he wanted was a party.

After saying the obligatory words to the JC's and assuring George he'd call on Monday to discuss the details of the new incoming SGC commander, he headed towards the exit. Unfortunately, he had to pass directly in front of Sam to do so. She was in conversation with General Wilson, who had been a friend of Jacob's, and Jack hoped she wouldn't notice his departure. Luck was not on his side though, as General Wilson saw Jack and called him over. After chatting for a moment, Jack was able to extricate himself, nodded to Carter and walked away. He heard her heels click behind him rapidly, and sighed. Dammit.

"Sir," Sam said cautiously, stopping him in his tracks. She quickly reached his side and he discretely took in her soft fragrance. She smelled like jasmine, and sunshine, and heaven.

"Something I can do for you, Carter?"

If she was taken aback by his tone, she didn't let it show. "I just-I just wanted to thank you, Sir. Dad would have liked the eulogy. I appreciate you doing it."

"You know I'd do anything for Dad," he said. _I'd do anything for you, even if it kills me_, he thought.

They stood staring at each other for a long moment, the noise from the other room seeming to still around them. "I know, Sir," Sam said quietly.

Jack knew he couldn't speak, or his voice would betray his emotions, so he merely nodded. She looked like she was going to say something, but Jack saw his truck pull around front, and silently thanked Walter for his impeccable timing. He swallowed, and gave her a casual smile that didn't reach his eyes. "There's my ride. I'll see you at work, Carter."

It was Sam's turn to nod. "Yes, Sir," was all she said, as he walked out the glass doors. Watching his truck drive away until it was no longer in view, she felt like she had lost herself.

"You okay, Sam?" Daniel asked. He and Teal'c had seen them together in the lobby, but hung back until Jack left.

She whirled around and gave them a sad smile. "As okay as I can be, I suppose."

"Did Jack have anything to say?"

Sam shook her head. "No."

"I do not believe it is too late to fix this, Colonel Carter," Teal'c said softly, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder.

She looked up at him and gave him a sad smile. "I'm afraid this time it is, Teal'c."

When she walked away, Daniel shook his head. "She's giving up. Sam never gives up. Even when everyone else thinks it's impossible, she never gives up. I'm worried."

Teal'c was still watching the main room. He could see Sam stop to talk to someone. "I too am concerned for Colonel Carter. She does seem to be acting out of character. Her life has been rather in an upheaval lately though. Perhaps all she needs is time."

"I hope you're right, but I'm afraid that's the one thing she may not have." Daniel said, as they walked back into the reception hall. "I have a bad feeling about this."

**TBC**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Still not my characters.**

**Thanks for all your comments and reviews. I have been lax on responding, but I'll try to get to them soon. Guest commenters, I ❤️you.**

**This has not been beta'd, so all mistakes are mine and mine alone.**

**For all my American readers, I hope you had a lovely Thanksgiving yesterday.**

**Reviews appreciated.**

Jack briefed SGs 3, 9 and 12 all before 10am, and was already irritated. What awaited him in his office did not improve his mood. He looked down at the paper in front of him and swore before chucking a paperweight across the room. This was not what he wanted to deal with this morning. A knock sounded on the door. "Come!" Jack growled, wondering what the hell it was now.

The door opened slowly, and Walter peeked his head through the opening. "Um, is everything okay, Sir? I thought I heard something…" Looking down, Walter saw the paperweight on the floor, and the trashcan it had knocked over on impact.

"No, Walter, it is not okay. Call SG1 to the conference room ASAP. Tell Carter I need to speak to her first."

Walter nodded, as he ducked out and called behind him, "Right away, Sir."

Jack sat back in the leather chair that had never felt like his, at the oversized desk that, in his mind, would always belong to General Hammond. He scrubbed his hands through his short, spikey hair that had never cooperated, no matter what he did. He had the urge to punch or kick something. Maybe it was time to get Teal'c to the gym and box. In his current mood, and pent up anger, he just might stand a chance of not being completely humiliated. "Dammit!" Leaning forward, he placed his elbows on the desk, and his head in his hands while he waited. It wasn't supposed to turn out like this. He tried to figure out when it went a FUBAR. He never should have agreed to leave it in the damn room. He should have insisted they talk about it, and figured out what to do then, instead of pushing it down, just like he always had.

Even though he was expecting it, the knock on the door startled him. He sat up straight and put his impassive face on. "Enter," he called, a bit more harshly than he intended.

Sam walked into the room. "You wanted to see me, Sir?" She stood at attention, and looked at a spot over his head.

Jack held in a sigh. "At ease, Colonel."

Still not looking at him, she went to parade rest, instead of taking a seat like she normally would.

He decided that might be for the best. He held up the offending paper. "A transfer, Carter? You're requesting a transfer?"

"Yes, Sir." Her voice was even.

He'd vowed not to bring it up, but had to ask, just so he knew. "Does this have anything to do with…" He searched for a way to phrase it. "What happened the night Jacob died?"

"No, Sir."

Jack had had enough. "Sit down, Carter. I'm tired of craning my neck to look at you."

"Is that an order, Sir?"

"If you need it to be, then I suppose it is."

She sat in one of the chairs opposite his desk, ramrod straight, and focused on a lower spot somewhere behind him. "Is there a problem with my transfer, Sir?"

"You don't need to transfer, Carter," he said, sadness in his voice. "You have always loved working at the SGC."

She nodded. "I have, but I feel it is time for me to move on. I've been at the SGC for 8 years now, and think it's time for a change."

Daniel and Teal'c sat at the large wood table in the briefing room, wondering what was going on between Jack and Sam in his office. He'd watched her walk in, stiff and tense. "Think they're making up?" Daniel suggested.

"I do not," Teal'c said. "I fear things have not improved at all in the past few days."

"No, they haven't." Daniel said in a sad voice. "I was worried before, but now, I'm starting to think that there might not be hope for them."

Raising a single eyebrow, Teal'c gave Daniel a sweeping look. "You should not lose faith Daniel Jackson. The road may be rocky, but I do not believe it cannot be traversed."

Jack tossed the paper on the desk, his mouth pressed into a grim line. "I have something to say to all of you. Let's join the others." He stood and followed her out of his office, and waited for her to sit. He looked at his former teammates. He was going to miss them all more than he'd first thought when he agreed to go to DC. He hadn't been active in the field with them much this past year, but they'd always be his team. He put the thought out of his head. "I have some news," he said casually. "I will tell everyone else soon, but in deference to our years together," he glanced up at Sam, for a brief moment, "I thought I should tell you first. It seems being 'The Man' at the SGC is no longer in my job description."

Teal'c and Daniel turned toward Sam. Sam looked quickly at Jack, before turning to the other two, confusion on all their faces. Jack continued, pretending he didn't notice their looks. "General Hammond has decided to retire and I will be taking over as head of Homeworld Security. I'm being reassigned to DC. I leave at the end of next month."

There was a moment of silence before Daniel spoke. "Jack, you-you can't leave. I mean, you're the original traveler. I mean, besides Kawalski, Feretti, and me of course, but you-you-you're-you're you! You're Jack O'Neill! You can't leave."

"Oh, I assure you, I can Danny boy. Besides, I wasn't meant to run a base."

Teal'c spoke next. "And yet you are meant to run HWS from Washington, District of Columbia? Is that not the same thing, O'Neill? That seems odd."

Jack flapped his hand around. "Yes, well, you know me, T, I'm nothing if not odd. So, now you know. I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone else just yet. I'd like to hold off a bit longer."

"Um, yeah, sure," Daniel said. He looked at Jack, then over at Sam, who had remained suspiciously quiet. He wondered what she was thinking.

"Great, dismissed. Carter, I'd like to see you in my office again for a moment." He turned, knowing that she would follow.

"Oh, crap," Daniel said, when the door closed behind them.

"Indeed."

Sam closed the door when they entered the office, taking a moment to steady her breath. When she turned around, she noticed the General was staring at her. He dropped his gaze the moment he saw that she knew.

"Sit down, Carter. And before you balk, yes, it's an order."

Sinking slowly into the chair across from his desk, Sam tried to straighten the world that seemed to be tilting off its axis. He was leaving. He was leaving the SGC. He was leaving her. She chided herself for her hypocrisy. Wasn't she trying to do the same? Still, _he_ wasn't supposed to leave. She looked at a spot just behind him, again instead of meeting his eyes.

"So, now that you know, do you still want to transfer?" He stared at her for a moment, but her gaze never moved.

"Are you leaving because of me?" She asked, proud she'd kept her voice from cracking.

"I could ask you the same, Carter."

Her heart was hammering in her ears. "You can't leave the SGC, Sir."

He arched an eyebrow and snorted. "As I told Daniel, I can, and I am."

"But-"

Jack held his hand up to stop her. "No buts, Carter. It's a done deal. We're not here to discuss my transfer though. We're here to discuss yours. Do you still want to go to Area 51?"

Sam's mind was whirling. The SGC without General O'Neill seemed incredibly wrong. "Yes, Sir. I've made up my mind, and I'd appreciate it if you'd sign off on it. I'd like to be gone as soon as possible."

"If that's what you want." He picked up the piece of paper and scrawled his signature at the bottom. This time he was the one keeping his eyes off her. "I spoke to George about this earlier, and he agreed, so there you go. Dismissed."

She stood, wanting to say more, but not knowing exactly what. Instead she just turned around and headed for her lab. Jack watched her head through the briefing room, then back down at the offending paper. He wanted to tell her she needed to stay, but couldn't. He knew she'd been dying to work on some of the technology that had been brought back from off world, but he also knew that her expertise had kept the SGC going and saved more lives than he cared to think of, especially his own on more than one occasion. "Son of a bitch," he said to the empty room. "When did things get so fucked up?"

**TBC**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Still not my characters.**

**This has not been beta'd, so all mistakes are mine and mine alone.**

**TWO chapters in a day! Whew! I'm on a roll today! Thanks so much for your comments. I know there's a whole lot of angst going around, so I hope you're willing to stick around for more. These two are such idiots when it comes to each other!**

**Reviews much appreciated!**

Sam walked woodenly to her lab. Her day had started off crappy, though they all had lately, but this took it to a whole new level of crap. She shouldn't have been surprised to find Daniel waiting for her, but that didn't mean she was in the mood for him. "Not now, Daniel," she said, sitting down at her computer.

"Yes, now, Sam. You can't let him do this. You have to talk to him. Tell him how you feel! He'd never leave you if he knew," his voice was high and she could tell he was getting close to going into the range she was certain only dogs could hear.

"Stop," she said sharply. "I already told him he can't leave, but he said it's a done deal. Besides, it won't make any difference to him how I feel now. I told you, it's done."

"No, I refuse to believe that." He was pacing now, his hand flapping around his head. "Jack would never leave you. He loves you. We've known it for years, and now you do. You two belong together. How can you just let him go?"

Sam slammed her hand on the table startling him. "Dammit, Daniel, don't you listen? It's not my decision. He's decided to leave, and it's clearly what he wants. I won't stop him."

"You're giving up, Sam. You simply don't give up. Why now?" He'd stopped pacing, and was now staring straight at her.

"I'm not giving up."

"Jesus, Sam!" He yelled. "You are! Can't you see that? You can fix anything, why not this?"

Sam hiccupped softly, trying to keep her feelings under control. "You can't fix a broken heart, Daniel, especially now when you're the one who broke it. Do you think I want him to go? Do you think I want things to be like this?"

Daniel deflated. Walking over to her, he put his arms around her. "Oh, Sam, I'm sorry. I know you have to be hurting too. You two are seriously screwed up, you know that right?"

She pulled back and gave a soft laugh. "Believe me, I know. I don't even know how we got to this point. I mean, I hung on for so long, waiting for things to get better, and for us to maybe have a chance, but after a while, he just didn't seem to care for me any more."

"How could you not see how he felt about you? Did you know that the night you agreed to marry Pete, he called me? I went over, and he was practically insane. He yelled and kicked things and punched things and honestly, I feared for his sanity. I don't think I've ever seen him like that. When I first met him, he was like a dead man, but that night, it was like he was possessed. I tried to get him to talk to you, but he said you loved Pete, and there was nothing he could do about it."

Sam's head dropped. "I was such a fool."

"Yes, you were, but that doesn't mean you can't make things right," he told her.

She heaved a sigh. "Daniel, I'm leaving too."

"What?" He couldn't have been more surprised if he'd told her she was a Goa'uld. "Where? Why? When?"

"I'm going to Area 51. I need to leave the SGC, Daniel. There are too many memories here for my to stay on. I don't know exactly when. The General just signed off on the request when I was in his office. Probably eight to ten weeks, sooner if I can manage it."

Daniel was still in shock. Sam couldn't leave too. "But, with Teal'c off helping out with the Free Jaffa Nation, it will just be me left on SG1. I won't have any of you. What will happen to SG1?"

Sam shook her head. "I don't know. They may form a new SG1 or simply retire the team number. I don't know. It's not really my concern. Besides, maybe this will be a way for you to go to Atlantis."

"But…SG1," was all he said.

She gave him a sad smile. "Nothing lasts forever, Daniel. You of all people should know that."

"That's not true. Do you think I don't still love Sha're? My love for her didn't end when she died. No matter what happens in the future, no matter whom I may love again, that love will never die. It will last forever."

"That's not what I meant, Daniel. That's different though."

He shook his head. "No, it's not. Do you think your love for him won't last forever?"

"Sha're loved you Daniel."

"Jack loves you, Sam! He loves you! Tell him. Fix this before everything crashes around us."

Sam just dropped her head in her hands.

"O'Neill," Teal'c said as he entered the gym, where Jack was currently taking out his frustration on a punching bag. "Did the bag somehow offend you?"

Jack stopped and looked over. Sweat was running down his face, and his t-shirt was stuck to his body like a second skin. "Just working off a little aggression, T. What brings you here?"

Teal'c picked up a set of gloves and slid them on. "I assumed I would find you here, O'Neill"

Jack rolled his eyes. "Crap, T, don't go all Daniel on me, would ya? I've had a bitch of a day and am so not in the mood."

"I do not know of what you are speaking, O'Neill. I merely came here looking for some exercise, and figured you would be doing the same. You are not as active as you once were."

"Are you telling me I'm getting fat?" Jack asked.

"On the contrary. I am merely pointing out the fact that you can be found in the gym if you are not in your office or fending off an alien plant or fixing explosion Dr. Lee has caused."

"Uh, huh," he said suspiciously. "And why don't I believe you?"

Teal'c stretched and flexed his muscles with an ease that made Jack envious. "Because you have a distrustful nature, O'Neill."

"Uh, huh," Jack said again, before punching the bag a few more times. It wasn't nearly as satisfying to hit something as he'd hoped it would be.

Teal'c watched him for a few minutes, before saying, "Would you like to spar, O'Neill? Perhaps you would find more gratification in trying to hit me."

"Trying? Did you just say, 'trying,' T? Well, that's just not nice."

An hour later, they were tired, sweaty and banged up, though Jack noticed he was more banged up that Teal'c. He was proud to have lasted as long as he had though, as he usually couldn't spar more than 30 minutes with the larger man. They sat on a bench, drinking water and removing the tape from their hands when Teal'c spoke. "O'Neill, does your leaving the SGC have anything to do with Colonel Carter?"

"Geez," Jack said irritably. "I don't want to talk about it, all right?"

Inclining his head, Teal'c looked at Jack from the corner of his eyes. "Fortunately, you need only listen." When Jack started to stand, Teal'c placed a hand on his shoulder and held him in place.

"Hey! Not cool, T. Not cool. I'm the commander of this base, remember?"

"And as commander, you should be willing to hear out the people who follow and trust you." Teal'c said calmly, not allowing Jack to escape.

Jack huffed. "I'm going to remember this."

"Good. I hope you remember everything. I have lived a long and eventful life, O'Neill, and I have seen much loss. I have learned that each day is precious, and you should not waste them. I took a chance on you all those years ago. Where I be today if I hadn't? It's time you took a chance, my friend." He removed his hand and Jack stood, walking away, his hands rubbing the back of his neck.

"I took a chance, T. A big chance, and she didn't-doesn't want me."

Teal'c felt sorry for his friend, who was clearly in pain. "Have you considered that perhaps Colonel Carter is afraid to take a chance?"

Jack turned back to Teal'c, anguish in his eyes. "I can't change that."

"Not if you run away, my friend."

**I know! I know! So much angst! So much stubbornness! **

**TBC**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Still not my characters!**

**I was so afraid I'd lose many of you with all the angst, but apparently, like me, you're all glutton for punishment. I'm glad you're still reading!**

**This has not been beta'd, so all mistakes are mine and mine alone.**

**Even though I haven't been able to respond to all your reviews yet (I've been busy writing!), please know that I appreciate them. If you feel the need to leave more, knock yourself out. ;)**

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><p>SG1 had at few days off, and instead of working in her lab, as she usually would, Sam decided to stay home and sort through her belongings before she left for Groom Lake. She kept telling herself how much she was going to enjoy working with all the alien technology, and how this change was going to be a good thing for her career, but all she could really think about was General O'Neill leaving. She felt angry and guilty. Angry because she was certain it had to do with her, and guilty for the way she'd treated him. It weighed on her, and made her tense. She hadn't been able to think straight for a week.<p>

Sam hadn't planned on shipping all her belongings to Groom Lake right away, and was busy tossing stuff into one of the few boxes she was taking. A stack of papers on the edge of her desk fell to the ground when she unplugged one of the laptops she would take with her. "Dammit," she muttered. Reaching down to pick them up, her hand stalled, when she caught site of a photo that had been in the stack. She sank to the floor and picked it up. It was of the SG1 sometime during their second year of the program; she could tell by their hair; Daniel's was still floppy, hers puffy, and the General's was still mostly brown. She couldn't tell what world they were on, as they often looked alike, but the four of them were happy. Daniel was bent over laughing, while Teal'c looked as amused as he ever did, and she and the then Colonel O'Neill were looking at each other, big smiles on both their faces, as they too laughed. The early years, when they were still trying to figure out what the hell they were doing, had been strange, but oddly happy in their own weird way. They knew the danger they faced, but they were all optimistic that they would find Sha're and Skaara, and defeat the Goa'uld in short order. They were also learning how to work together as an effective team. Aside from the being shot at, captured, tortured and occasionally killed, it had been a pretty great time. She ran her finger over the smiling Colonel's face. It was rare that he smiled like that, which was one of the reasons she'd gotten a copy of the photo. There were plenty where he wore his cocksure grin, but few of him actually laughing. It was one of her favorite photos of him; the team really, but mostly his smile. She stared at it for a long time, hoping it would give her some clarity over their current situation, but all it did was confuse her. "Dammit," she muttered again. He was leaving, and it was all her fault. She had to do something to make him stay; to make him realize the SGC needed him. Placing the photo back on her desk, she grabbed her keys and purse and headed out to her car in the pouring rain.

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><p>Jack looked around at all the stuff he had accumulated over the last 10 or so years. He'd bought the house right after he'd returned from Abydos the first time, only because it was the only one available in a quiet area with few neighbors to gossip about the crazy retired Colonel who lived there. The back yard had appealed to him, along with the possibility of being able to put a viewing deck on the roof, but beyond that, it had merely been a house. It wasn't a home, like the one he'd shared with Sara and Charlie, but a place to leave his stuff, watch TV and sleep. He knew it was because of SG1 and General Hammond that it had somehow, over the years, actually become his home. It had memories that he would be sad and reluctant to leave. He'd hosted team nights, barbecues, poker games, and had Simpson's marathons there. As much as he disliked talking, he'd had some damn good talks with his friends inside the walls, and thought their echoes could still be felt if he concentrated. Shaking his head at his sentimental thoughts, he grabbed a beer and plopped in front of the TV. A storm had blown up, and he enjoyed the flashing of the lightning and booming of the thunder as he sat there. He'd just finished watching a program on space that he'd found amusing, mostly thanks to Carter and her rants on how very wrong the world really got it, when there was a knock on his door. It was just shy of midnight. He considered not answering, but the knocking came again, more persistent the second time, so he pushed himself up and headed to the front door. At this time of night, he was pretty sure he knew who it was. "Walter, I have a phone you know," he said swinging it open. "Oh," he said when he saw who was standing there. "Carter?"<p>

Sam looked up at him. She was wet from running from her car to his door, and wiped the water from her eyes. "Sorry to bother you, Sir."

Jack watched her, his eyes guarded. "Something I can do for you, Colonel?"

"Um, yes, Sir. Would you mind if I come in?" She asked. She'd worked up her courage to talk to him on the drive over, but standing there, staring into his hard, cold eyes, she suddenly wasn't feeling quite so brave.

Jack raised his eyebrows. "Unless it's an emergency, Colonel, I have office hours, starting at 0700." His voice remained neutral, but inside he was a whir of confusion. What the hell was she doing standing on his doorstep this late at night? He didn't want her there, destroying all the good memories he held of them in his house.

Sam's head dropped, her cheeks flaming. She should have expected this, she thought. She should have been prepared for his anger. "Sorry, Sir," she said. "I'll just go." She walked off the porch and headed back to her car.

Jack watched her retreat through the rain back to the impossibly small, and incredibly fast car she zipped around in, and felt a sense of loss. He hadn't wanted to be rude, but it was the only way he could protect himself. He knew he effectively running away, as Teal'c had accused him of the day they sparred, but it was really the best for both of them. When he saw her get into her car, Jack closed the door. He leaned up against it, willing himself to forget her eyes, knowing he never can, when suddenly there was a banging again. "Crap," he says, turning around to open it. "Yes, Carter?"

Sam's soaked through and cold after running to and from her car several times now, and her teeth started chattering. "I need to talk to you, Sir, and no it can't wait."

"Fine. Get in here." When she stepped in he held a hand up to her to stop. She waited, watching as he walked away. He came back momentarily with a towel and clean sweats.

"Go dry off," is all he said, before turning back to the kitchen and going to retrieve another beer. He had a feeling it was going to be a long, stressful hour or so.

When Sam decided she was as dry as she was going to get, and wearing his sweats, yet again, wandered out and down the hall to his living room. She stood still for a moment, watching him as he sat, staring at the empty fireplace.

His voice startled her. "Are you going to tell me what you've come here to say, or are you just going to stand there?"

Sam walked slowly into the room. She should have realized he would know she was there, even if he couldn't see her. She looked around the room, noting that a few items had been removed, probably hand packed by him before the actual movers came. She remembered doing that as a child, and several times since she'd joined the Air Force too. Special items, things she wanted to make sure weren't damaged or misplaced were packed by hand in boxes that usually went with them, instead of in the moving truck. A wave of sadness swept over her at the realization that his house would soon be empty, like he'd never been there at all. "So, are you selling or renting?" She asked.

"Haven't decided," He said indifferently. "I'm pretty sure you didn't show up on my doorstep at midnight, looking like a drowned puppy to discuss real estate. Out with it."

"Um, yeah, okay." She perched on the edge of one of the chairs. "I'm-I need to talk to you about your transfer, Sir."

"It's a done deal, Carter. There's nothing to talk about," he told her before taking a long draw from his beer. He thought she looked ridiculously adorable in his oversized sweats, and smiled every so slightly. He realized she'd worn his sweats the night Jacob died too, and the memory wiped the smile away. He nodded his head toward her. "You running out of clothes? You seem to be rather fond of taking my sweats."

Sam blushed and looked down. She still had the other pair at her house. "Oh, sorry. I'll get these, and the others, back to you soon, Sir."

Jack flapped his hand around. "Keep them. I have far too many."

Sam felt a measure of affability in his words, and knew she had to speak quickly before the mood changed. "Look, Sir, I'm here because you need to know that the SGC needs you. The people need you. The program needs you. Who will take over once you're gone? Someone who has no clue what it's like to deal with the teams, day in and day out? Someone who has no rapport with our allies?" At Jack's snort, she hurried on. "Yes, some of our allies are not your greatest friends, but they know you and trust you. How will someone new be able to take your place?"

Jack stood. "I'm failing to see how this is your concern, Carter. You're leaving anyway."

"I know, but you leaving the SGC is unthinkable. You can't leave. Think about…"

Jack whirled on her. "I am thinking, Carter. I've done nothing but think for the past week and a half, and this is the best move for me. For me, not anyone else. I've given a lot to this damn program, and have decided it's time to make a move for myself for once."

"Sir, please, you just can't!"

"Jesus, Sam, I can't win with you! I tell you how I feel, and you reject me, but when I decide to leave, you practically beg me to stay. What the hell do you want? What do you want to hear? What do you want me to say? Do you want me to say that I can't stay at the SGC because every single gray brick in that whole damn compound reminds me of you? Every time a klaxon goes off, or there's no blue Jell-O in the commissary, or I see and electric spark coming from one of the labs I'll be reminded of you. Every time I walk into the infirmary, it conjures up all the times I sat by your bed hoping beyond hope that you would pull through and I can't deal with that."

Sam deflated, blinking back the tears she felt forming in her eyes. She hadn't realized how deeply he'd felt things. "You said you weren't leaving because of me, but since I'm going to Groom Lake, you can stay. Don't you see how much the people there need you?"

"Don't you see how much I need to leave? Whether you're there physically or not, your ghost is everywhere. There's not an inch of that place that doesn't hold some memory of you, and I don't need more ghosts in my life. I've got enough without adding you to it."

"I'm so sorry, Sir. I-I never meant to hurt you like I did."

Running a hand down his face in defeat, Jack sighed. "I know you didn't, but you have to see why I can't stay."

His eyes were pleading, and it tore at her. "I'm sorry."

They stared at each other for a few minutes before Jack finally spoke. "If that's all you have to say, then you should probably go. It's late, and I've got work in the morning."

Unable to speak, Sam nodded and went to retrieve her wet clothes from the bathroom. When she came back out, he was staring out the window at the storm. A bolt of lightening flashed, and his face was momentarily lit up. The emotions she saw written across his face made her breath catch. She took an involuntary step toward him. He looked over at her, his dark eyes intense and angry. She'd clearly made a mistake in coming over. "I'll see you at work Monday," he said before she could speak.

"Yes, Sir," her voice was barely above a whisper. "Good night, Sir."

Jack followed her to the front door, closed and locked it behind her. He'd wanted nothing more than to drag her to him and kiss her until she couldn't think straight. To make her love him, but he knew she would reject him again, and his ego had been bruised enough. When he heard her car pull away, he turned off all the lights and TV and took himself to his bed, hoping he'd be able to sleep, but was afraid he'd do nothing but think of her until the sun rose slowly over the horizon. He had to leave sooner than he'd planned. He had to get away from her, and those blue eyes that made him weak. He rolled over, taking a look at the clock. He cursed the minutes that seemed to crawl by. In the wee hours of the morning, he came up with a plan. When he was sure it was the best course of action, he sighed, looking at the deep shadows around his room, and wondered if that was what his heart looked like on the inside and finally drifted off into a short, fitful sleep.

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><p><strong>TBC-I'm also currently working on my GW Secret Santa gift, so I don't know when I'll update this again, but I'll try to make it soon!<strong>


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: Still not my characters.**

**I know I said I wouldn't update for a while, but I cranked this out during a writing sprint with some other amazing writers. Our reward was loads of photos of Jack on Twitter. Who wouldn't want to write? **

**Dear Guest, I'm sorry you think the story is stupid. You are welcome to your opinion, and you are also welcome to not read if you don't like it. Sorry to disappoint. For those who are still with me, thanks.**

**This has not been beta'd, so all mistakes are mind and mine alone.**

**Reviews appreciated.**

Sam sat in her lab two nights later, staring at the same piece of technology she'd been staring at for hours, without making any progress. Her mind was a million miles away, and she couldn't concentrate.

"He's leaving the day after tomorrow," Daniel said as he stormed in, startling from her thoughts.

"What are you talking about?" She asked, watching him pace and flap his hands around the way he did when he was really upset. He'd done it since they first met, and it made her smile to think about the young, too trusting, idealistic archaeologist he'd once been. Years of stepping through the gate, loss and pain had hardened him slightly, but he was still trusting and she was glad he hadn't lost that.

Daniel stopped pacing. "Jack!" He all but yelled. "Jack is leaving in a few days!"

Sam dropped the tool she was holding. "But, he's not supposed to report to DC for a few more weeks."

"That is true, Colonel Carter," Teal'c said from the doorway. He walked into the lab, and took a seat near her. "He is taking, what the military calls 'leave' until it's time for him to report."

"He wasn't even going to tell us!" Daniel said, irritation in his voice.

Sam looked over at him. "Wait, how do you know?" She wondered if the panic she felt came through in her voice.

Teal'c whose eyes had not left her since he sat spoke up. "Sargent Harriman may have left a leave form laying around, and I may have seen it."

"He wasn't going to tell us!" Daniel repeated, banging a hand on her table.

"How do you know he wasn't?" Sam asked, panic rising at the thought.

Daniel stopped, and took a deep breath. "Well, if he were, he'd have told us by now, wouldn't he? I mean, it's the day after tomorrow."

"Daniel Jackson is likely correct." Teal'c commented. "It is not like O'Neill not to tell us something that we would consider important."

Sam's mind spun. He was going to leave without even telling her. "But…"

"No buts, Sam. He's leaving. He's leaving, and he can't even do us the courtesy of saying goodbye."

Sam stood, and left the lab. She couldn't let this happen. They deserved more than this. She jogged down the hall as quickly as she could without drawing attention to herself.

Daniel and Teal'c both stood in the door, watching her go. "I feel like giving them both a swift kick in the ass," Daniel said.

"As do I," Teal'c said. "Many of them."

Sam didn't even stop to knock on his office door. She simply opened it, but found the room completely dark. "Dammit," she muttered before turning to run down the spiral stairs to the control room. It was late and there were few people around. "Has anyone see the General?" she asked.

Sargent Wilson turned and looked at her. "I think he went home ma'am."

Picking up the phone on the wall, she dialed the front security desk. "This is Colonel Carter. Has General O'Neill signed out? Okay, when?" Hanging up, she dashed out to the hall and waited impatiently for the elevator. She thought the ride to the top had never taken so long. When the doors finally opened, she swiped her card to sign out and ran to her car, thankful her keys were in her pocket. Opening the door, she slid into the drivers seat and was speeding out in just moments.

Jack was sitting up on his viewing deck. He'd come up to have a look at the stars one more time before packing his telescope. The weather wasn't cooperating though, and most were obscured by clouds. With the clouds had come a slight chill, and he was wearing only his black uniform t-shirt, have shrugged off the blue top the minute he got home, though not taking the time to change completely out of his uniform. Deciding it was getting too chilly to stay up top, and needing another beer, he climbed down the ladder and entered his lonely house. He'd left the Mountain earlier, knowing he'd be leaving and felt an extreme sense of loss. His entire world was changing, and the things he was leaving behind were the only things he really wanted to take with him. It was well past midnight when he finally decided to crawl into bed, feeling like he'd aged twenty years in the past few weeks. He was just drifting off to sleep when he heard a loud banging on his door. "Son of a bitch," he said as he pulled on a pair of sweat pants, forgoing a shirt. "Hold on, will ya?" he yelled as he stumbled to the door, not bothering to flip on any lights.

Yanking it open, he blinked in surprise. "Carter," he said coolly. "Bit late, isn't it?"

"It is," she agreed. "I need to talk to you." She pushed her way past him into the house.

"Come in, why don't you?" He shut the door and followed her to the living room, flipping on a lamp as he did.

Sam turned to face him, and her mouth went dry. She hadn't noticed at the door, but now realized he wasn't wearing a shirt, and his sweats were hanging low on his hips. In the dim light coming from the lamp her eyes traveled his broad shoulders and sleek muscles. She thought he look like every woman's fantasy. Swallowing hard, she hoped he hadn't noticed her perusal. "I…uh…"

"Carter?" he prompted. "Want to tell me why you're here. In my house. After midnight."

Blinking a few times, she said, "You're leaving."

"I believe we've established that." He stood, with his arms crossed, staring at her, trying to figure out why she'd come to him again.

"Yes, no, yes. Dammit. I mean you're leaving in a few days, and you weren't going to tell us. How could you do that to us after all we've been through?"

He sighed and ran his hands through his short hair. "I thought it would be easier."

She looked up, her eyes sad. "Easier? On who, you? It certainly wouldn't be easy on us. Daniel is freaking out and angry and Teal'c, well, he's not happy, and I…" she stopped as he walked toward her.

"And you, what?" When she didn't answer, he continued. "Look, I thought-I thought it would be easier on both of us." He held up a hand before she could speak. "I know, I was thinking for both of us again, but this wasn't really something that needed a lot of discussion."

Dropping her eyes from his face, she stared down at the carpet. "God, I've really screwed this up, haven't I?"

"Screwed what up, Carter?" He asked, tilting his head to the side. He could she was incredibly tense, but refrained from commenting on it.

"This," she said, motioning between the two of them. "Us. You and me."

"I thought there was no us," he said quietly.

"You're right," she said. "You're right. I'm sorry I bothered you." Stepping around him, she headed for the hall, moving quickly.

Jack was right behind her when she reached the door. "Carter?"

His voice stopped her. She suddenly decided she'd had enough; enough lying and concealing and denying. Turning back to face him, she looked up to find him eyeing her intently. "What are you planning to do while you're on leave?"

Jack had no idea what she was going to say, but that certainly wasn't it. "Going to the cabin."

"Fishing?" she asked.

"Yep."

Sam looked down, and blew out a heavy breath before looking back up at him. "Can I come along?"

**Boom! TBC**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: Still not my characters.**

**Sorry this has taken so long to update! I had to finish my secret Santa fic before I could get back to this one. It's called Evolution and Revelations if you're interested in reading it. - shameless self promotion!**

**I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, but it conveys what I wanted to get across. I hope you like it.**

**This has not been beta'd, so all mistakes are mine and mine alone.**

**Thank you so much for all the reviews. If I haven't gotten back to you, it's only because I've been so busy. I do read and appreciate them though. Reviews are ALWAYS appreciated. ;)**

SJSJSJSJSJ

Jack was sure he'd heard her wrong. She wasn't asking...was she? He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, what?"

Sam's heart hammered in her ears. This was the moment of truth, and she knew there was no going back from it. "Can I come along? To the cabin? To fish…with you?"

He stared at her, his brow crinkled in confusion. "You...want to come to the cabin? And fish? With me?"

She nodded. "Yes."

"Okay, Carter, you're going to have to clue me in here, 'cause I'm lost."

"Um, yeah," she said, trying to keep her voice calm. "Can we, maybe go back to the living room?"

Jack waved his arm behind him, and followed her. He didn't sit. "Am I going to need more alcohol for this, Carter?"

Sam chuckled softly. "I hope not." Inside though, she thought she might, but Dutch courage probably wasn't a good idea at the moment. She'd have to face this one on her own.

"Oo-kay," Jack said, deciding to sit. He had no idea what was going on. She wanted to go fishing? "So, um…what?"

"Sir, could you maybe put a shirt on?" Sam certainly didn't mind him not wearing a shirt, but she found the sight of his bare chest took her mind off of what she was there to say.

Looking down, Jack suddenly realized he was still only in his sweat pants. He turned and walked down the hallway, then returned tugging a snug fitting black t over his head. He moved to the sofa, and sat down, not saying anything, but looking at her in expectation.

Sam wasn't sure if the t-shirt made things any better. The t-shirt made her weak in the knees for some reason. Putting the thought aside, she sat down, facing him so that their knees were touching. He gave her a quizzical look at the contact, but didn't say anything. "Sir-um, Jack, this is going to be hard. You're probably going to be angry with me, and I won't blame you, believe me, but I need you to listen and try to understand. Can-can you do that?"

He nodded, but looked suspicious. "Diplomacy and patience aren't my best traits, Carter. I'll do my best, but I can't promise anything."

"That's all I can ask. You remember when I was lost on the Prometheus right?" Jack gave her a smirk. "Yeah, of course you do. Anyway, in my concussed state I-I had um, hallucinations."

Jack cut her off. "I know this, Carter. You told me you hallucinated us to help you figure out how to get home. I understand that." Jack thought about his experience with Daniel while Ba'al had held him prisoner. "What I don't know is what that has to do with, well, anything, honestly." He scrubbed his hands through his hair, and blew out a breath. "Are you sure I don't need a beer?"

"The beer is up to you, but please. be patient, and you'll see what this has to do with everything." When he motioned, she continued. "The hallucinations, which I know were really just manifestations of my own thoughts, not only helped me figure out how to get out of the cloud, but also talked to me about where my life was going, or not going as the case may be. Things between, us were, well weird. I mean they were, well, I don't know, but you were so far out of reach that I knew we could never have anything. When I hallucinated you, you told me that I was keeping myself from other relationships because of you. I was waiting on something that might no happen. You said I was holding back, because you were a safe bet." Jack's eyebrows rose at that, and she continued hastily. "I mean, you weren't really, not that I thought I could just, um, have you if I wanted, but it made a weird sort of sense." She wrinkled her nose at her own words.

Jack's eyebrows shot up. "Safe bet? That's comforting. I've always wanted to be someone's safe bet."

Sam blanched at his words. "I didn't mean it as an insult. I know it doesn't really make sense now, but it did then. Remember, I was concussed. I was-um, I don't know, but part of me just kept holding on to the thought that we could be together, even though there was no chance for us. Some part of me wondered what I would do if the whole thing with the Goa'uld never ended, and you didn't want me. After so long, I thought you didn't care anymore, and that I was waiting for something that would never happen. I was scared that I'd never have the chance at the kind of happiness that I so desperately wanted. I was scared of everything. I was scared of missing out on something. I was scared I was going to spend my life alone, and so I just grabbed on to something that made me feel…normal."

Jack tried to process her words. He still wasn't sure if he should feel offended or not by the whole 'safe bet' thing. "Hence Shanahan?"

She nodded. "He wanted to give me the life I thought I wanted. He was…to be honest, the opposite of you. If I couldn't have you, then, I didn't want anyone even remotely similar, because I thought, well, to be honest, I don't know what I thought, but I was looking for the opposite of you."

"And Spud was the opposite of me?" He asked. Sam looked at him in confusion. "Shanahan."

Despite herself, she cracked a small smile. "Spud? Really?" Jack just shrugged. "Anyway, the deeper I got into the relationship, the more I realized that no matter what, I'd always compare him to you, and he'd always come up short."

"Well, he was short," Jack quipped. "Carter, what are you saying here? Simple sentences please. My brain hurts."

"What I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the way I've been treating you lately, and for blowing up on you…that night."

Wiping his hand down his face, Jack cocked his head to the side. "I'm sorry too. I was unfair of me. It was also unfair to…you know, tell you how I feel. I know it's not the same for you any more."

Sam reached out to grab his warm hand. The touch sent a shiver down her spine. "But it is. It is. God, Jack, don't you understand? I love you. I never stopped. If you still want to, I want to give us a chance."

**TBC**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: Still not my characters. Sigh.**

**I am so, so sorry that it took so long to get this posted. The holidays were busy, and then I dislocated my knee cap (ouch). While I had plenty of laying around time to write, my Muse decided to take my recovery time off, and I had...nothing. Thanks for all the PM's asking about when the next chapter would be up. Those, and the reviews really made me want to tackle Muse (though my knee prevented that!), and get back to work. Again, I ****apologize, and hope you like this one. **

**Someone PM'd me about how dialogue heavy the story is, but I remind you that it is called Truths and CONVERSATIONS, hence all the talking. ;)**

**This has not been beta'd, so all mistakes are mine, and mine alone.**

**Reviews much appreciated.**

SJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJ

Jack blinked, trying to process her words. What did she just say? He'd clearly just misheard. Hadn't he? Sam stared at him, her eyes, large and reverent, waiting for his response, and he realized he'd been silent for a long time. "Carter," his voice was soft and think with emotion. "You're gonna have to help me out here, 'cause I-"

"Jack, I love you. I've loved you almost from the moment we met, I think. I've tried to deny it. God knows I have. I tried to keep it in the room too, but it stayed with me. The night you told me how you felt, my first emotion was happiness." She took a steadying breath. He hadn't reacted to her words, other than to stare at her, confusion still evident in his dark eyes. "I'm so sorry for the way I acted. I was confused, and just, well, I don't know, scared. I guess I was hurt, because I thought of all the time we'd wasted keeping it locked away, and because I truly thought you'd stopped caring. If I hurt you too much, and you don't want to give us a chance after the things I said, I-I'll understand, and walk away. I can manage to keep things between us as work professional. If you do, though, well, I can't think of anything I want more."

Before Sam knew what was happening, Jack's arms were around her, pressing her back into the sofa, and his mouth was against hers, warm and gentle. She was shocked, but instantly returned his embrace, and opened her lips to him. When his tongue swept into her mouth, she moaned with pleasure. Jack O'Neill was kissing her, and he was amazing at it. She boldly slid her tongue against his, and it was his turn to moan. Her lips turned up in a smile against him. This was more than she'd ever expected.

Jack didn't even realize he'd moved toward her. His body had acted instinctively. All he knew was this beautiful woman was sitting in front of him, telling him that she loved him, and he needed her. He needed to know that she was real. Her warm body fit against his perfectly. She was soft, yet strong, and he didn't think he'd ever be able to let her go. When her mouth opened to him, he was certain of it. He needed her like he needed air. Her tongue slid into his mouth, and his heart nearly burst with emotion, while his body was flooded with heat. He pulled back with difficulty, and looked in her eyes, where he saw his own feelings reflected in them. "This is okay?"

"More than okay. It's exactly what I've always wanted," she told him. Her fingers were playing with the graying hairs at the nape of his neck. For some reason, she'd always found the razor straight hairline at the back of his head incredibly sexy, and had longed to feel it. It was softer than she'd imagined and she didn't want to stop touching it. "I take it you've forgiven me?" She asked softly.

Jack chuckled, looking down into her blue eyes, as he tucked a lock of golden hair behind her ear. "Carter, there's nothing to forgive. We've both been complete idiots, and hurt each other. If we'd just been honest with each other years ago, we'd both have been a lot less miserable."

"I know," she said quietly. "I can't believe how much time we've wasted."

His hand cupped her cheek. "Hey, none of that. We've got time ahead of us. Lots of time, I'm hoping. Carter, are you sure this is what you want?"

"Of course. Are you?"

Jack chuckled placing a small kiss on her nose, and pulled her back up so they were sitting again. "God, Carter, you don't know how long I've wanted this." His looks turned serious for a moment. "You need to know though, that if we start this, it's not going to be casual for me. I'm going to be all in, and if you can't do that, then we need to stop right now. I you're not all in, I need to know. I can't invest in you and then watch you walk away. I've lost too many people in my life. I can't lose you too."

Sam heard the pain and uncertainty in his voice. She knew he'd lost many friends, as well as military members under his command, and those who commanded him in his years in the military, and that had hurt him. It was the loss of his son, though that had nearly broken him, along with the subsequent dissolution of his marriage. He had lost more than anyone should have in their lifetime, and the fact that he was still there, still standing, and still able to love, astounded her. "Oh, Jack," she said, her voice tender and full of love. "I will never leave you. You've had my heart for a long time. Even though I've made some poor choices that alienated you, it's always belonged to you. I've always belonged to you. I'm in forever."

Promise?" He asked, his body flooding with relief.

"Promise," She told him. "With all my heart."

Jack leaned in, kissing her again. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been so happy. While a small part of his brain was worried that the joy he felt would be snatched away, as it had been so many times before, the larger part, the one he was going to listen to, told him to appreciate every moment they had together. After all the years of waiting, hoping, miscommunications and missed opportunities, he finally had the one thing he wanted more than anything since he'd met her, and there was nothing standing in their way. Damn, he realized with a bold of irritation, there still was! He suddenly drew back. The heat he'd felt moments before disappeared

This time it was Sam's turn to look confused and uncertain. "Jack?"

He ran a hand down his face in frustration. "Carter, I'm still your CO until 1700 hours, the day after tomorrow." He looked down at his watch. "Well, technically it's after midnight, so I guess we can call it tomorrow, but, until then, we're technically breaking the regs."

Sam sighed, realizing he was right, but they were so close, and she was so tired of waiting. "After all these years of being good, you don't think one day really matters, do you?"

He smiled at her, putting a hand to his chest in mock surprise. "I'm shocked Colonel! You would never break a rule, certainly not for an old airman like myself."

"Sir-Jack," she amended, giving him a saucy grin, "there are so many ways I'd like to break those rules with you." To prove it, she leaned in to him, and grazed her teeth along the side of his neck, eliciting a shiver from him. She grew bolder, and snaked her tongue out to lick the shell of his ear.

Jack's body grew hot again at her words, but it was a bolt of pure desire that shot through him as her mouth touched his skin. His mind went fuzzy as he reached to pull her closer. One day wouldn't really make a difference would it? No one else would know, and… "No," he said, pulling away. His breath was coming in short bursts, and he had to fight an inner war that was more difficult than anything he'd faced in the field. "We can't. I want to, believe me, I want to," he reassured her, when her face fell. If she'd glanced down at his sweats, she'd have seen exactly how much he wanted to. "But, we have to be careful. We've held out for eight very long years, and as much as I hate it, we'll have to wait another," he looked down at his watch, "35 hours and 22 minutes."

Sam grimaced at his words. She knew he was, as always, protecting her and her career, but it didn't mean she had to like it. "You're right," she huffed. "It's not so long, when you think about it in terms of time and space. A fraction of a millisecond, shorter that that really, when you consider the length of-"

Jack put a finger up to her lips, cutting her off. "That's my girl," he said softly, chuckling. "You keep your amazing brain working on that, and it will make the time fly."

"Okay," she sighed, "but don't think I'm waiting one more minute."

"I would expect no less," he told her.

"Si-Jack," she corrected herself with a smile, "I need to know…why me? What do you see in me?"

Jack stared at her in disbelief. "What do I see in you? Carter, are you kidding? What do I not see in you? You're perfect."

She shook her head. "I'm not, and I don't want you to think so. I can't live up to that. I get caught up in my work and forget the time; my bedroom is frequently strewn with dirty clothes; I'm not a huge fan of hockey, and well, let's be honest, I'm a geek. I hardly think I'm the kind of woman you would go for."

Pulling her in for a hug, Jack, kissed her forehead, then pulled back to look at her. "Sam, I know you're not perfect, it was a figure of speech, but believe me, you're perfect for me. I never thought I'd love anyone again, after," he hesitated, "after my divorce, but I do. More than I thought possible. Besides, I've been around you almost every day for eight years; you think I don't know your faults? I've got plenty of my own, you know. Between our imperfections, we'll be perfect together. I can't imagine what you see in me, but I'm not going to question my good luck."

"It's not luck Jack, it's just you. What will we do though? You're going to DC and I'm going to Nevada. How will we make it work?"

He trailed his finger down the side of her face. "I don't know, but I promise, we'll find a way. After all this time, I'm not going to let something like twenty-five hundred miles get in our way."

Sam leaned in to kiss him. He groaned when her tongue skimmed his lips, and pressed his body closer to hers. He pulled away abruptly, before things got out of hand. Sam swallowed and made an unhappy sound in the back of her throat. "Can you just hold me for a while? Surely that won't be breaking the regs too much, would it? If we just cuddled for a while." she asked.

"Carter likes to cuddle? I would never have guessed," he teased, pulling her in and wrapping his arms around her. She leaned her head onto his shoulder, and he smiled at the memory of how many times she'd done this in the past. He remembered how he'd wanted to pull her close and wrap his arms around her all those times too, but had to hold back due to the regs. He leaned in and kissed the top of her head, smiling when she let out a sigh of contentment. She leaned in closer, turning her body into his more, and wrapped an arm across his body. They sat in silence for a long time, simply enjoying the semi-freedom they now shared. "God, Carter, I never would have thought we'd be doing this."

"Me neither," she muttered into his neck. A clock somewhere in the living room dinged out the hour, causing her to let out a small expletive. "Is that the time? I should-go."

Jack nodded. He didn't trust himself to speak. The thought of letting her walk away scared him to death. What if she changed her mind? What if this was all a dream? He stood, holding his hand out. When she took it, he pulled her into his arms. She pressed her body against his willingly, and he felt a sense of peace. "This isn't a dream right? I'm not going to wake up in the morning to find it was all in my head."

She chuckled. "It's not a dream. If it is, then we're having the same one, and I never want to wake up."

They let each other go, and walked slowly toward his front door, both reluctant to part. "I'll see you tomorrow?" she asked as they stopped.

"Absolutely. It will be difficult for me not to be smiling like an idiot, but I'll do my best. I wouldn't want to ruin my reputation as the eternal grump."

"I don't think there's a chance of that," she told him.

He touched the tip of her nose. "Stranger things have happened. So," he hesitated slightly, "you still want to go fishing?"

"Yes. I'm dying to see your cabin, and I can't wait to…" she looked down, and Jack saw the blush creep up her pale face, "spend some time alone with you."

"Me neither," he breathed, thinking of the time they would spend alone not fishing. "You think I could rescind the invite I extended to Daniel and T?"

"Nope." She cocked her head to the side, her eyes roaming his face. "Of course there's no reason I have to come back when they do. I've got a whole bunch of leave saved up. I could take an extra week or three."

"Or maybe six?" He suggested.

"Or maybe six," she replied.

He pulled her in for a hug. "I still can't believe…this."

"Believe it," she assured him.

"All right," he said reluctantly releasing her. "You should probably go before I decided to keep you here."

"I wouldn't fight you." She didn't want to leave either. Part of her was afraid he would change his mind in the light of day.

"I know, and that's the problem. Now, go. I'll see you in a few hours." He kissed her forehead once more, but she leaned up and captured his lips yet again, and wrapped her hands around his neck. He was beginning to regret his decision to have her leave, but pulled back nonetheless. "You're going to be the death of me." He realized she had actually breathed life back into him.

"I hope not," she gave him a saucy look. "I've got plans for you, and I definitely need you to be alive."

Jack made a small noise in the back of his throat. He couldn't wait to find out what she had in mind. "You always have the best plans, Carter. I look forward to them, and I will definitely be alive. I have the best reason."

"Good," she leaned up for a quick kiss and opened the door. "I'll see you in the morning."

Just as she stepped onto his porch, Jack glanced down at his watch. "Hey, only 34 hours, 12 minutes to go."

Sam didn't say anything, but walked to her car with a smile on her face. She knew it would be a long 34 hours, 12 minutes, but after all these years, it wouldn't be so bad.

Jack stood in the door, and watched her get into her car and drive away. He knew the next day would be difficult, but for Sam, he'd make it through. Closing the door, he turned back toward his bedroom, knowing he would only catch an hour or two of sleep if he was lucky, and would be tired at work, but the lack of sleep had certainly been worth it. Sam loved him, and that was all that really mattered.

**So, should I end it here, or should they have another conversation at the cabin? I'm fine ending it here, but if you think it needs more, I can probably come up with something. There might even be some smut thrown in, but I can't promise that. ;)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: Still not my characters. **

**Thanks for all the comments on the previous chapter. I have not been able to answer all the comments, as I've been busy writing, but I will try soon.**

**Since so many of you wanted to see Daniel and Teal'c again, since they pushed so hard for Sam and Jack, I decided to add a chapter for them, and there will likely be one more after this, AT THE CABIN.**

**This has not been beta'd, so all mistakes are mine and mine alone.**

**Reviews much appreciated (even if I'm bad about replying).**

SJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJ

20 hours, 45 minutes to go…

"Sam?" Daniel stood in the door of her lab, confused by what he saw. She was standing in the middle of a pile of boxes packing, and judging by the stacks of boxes all over the place, she'd been at it for a while.

She looked up, and gave him a smile. "Hey! Come on in. Be careful though, it's kind of a mess."

"I can see that," he told her, stepping inside the chaos.

She wrapped something to pack, and said, "Of course, I would assume you'd be used to this kind of mess. This is your office pretty much every day."

"I'm busy," he said defensively. "So…what's up here? I thought you weren't leaving for a few more weeks."

Sam paused, as though trying to think of what to say. Daniel found this interesting. He thought she'd been acting weird all day. "Well, I've decided to take a few weeks off before heading out to Nevada, and I thought I'd go ahead and start packing." Jack had signed off on her leave form this morning, with a ridiculously big smile on his face when he saw how many weeks she'd requested.

Daniel raised his eyebrows. "You're taking leave? You?"

"Mmmm…hmmm."

"You never take leave. You're like me, you prefer to work, not sit around." He commented slowly.

Looking down, purposely avoiding his eyes, she said, "Well, perhaps I decided it's time."

He stood watching her for a minute before getting to what he'd meant to ask in the first place, before he got distracted by what she was doing. "Did, um, you and Jack, um…talk?"

Stilling, Sam nodded. "We did," she told him carefully.

"Annnd?"

"Colonel Carter, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c greeted as he entered the lab.

"Hi, Teal'c," Sam said with a smile on her face.

Daniel just nodded in his direction before turning back to Sam. "So?"

"Daniel…it's complicated."

"I don't see how," Daniel told her.

Teal'c moved stacked a few boxes that blocked the path further into the room. "You do not see how what is complicate, Daniel Jackson."

"Apparently Sam and Jack talked last night."

"That is good."

"Well, I'm not sure. Sam won't tell me anything, other than 'it's complicated,' which really tells me nothing." Daniel said.

Teal'c raised an eyebrow, and quirked what passed for a smile. "Perhaps that is because it's none of your business."

"What's none of whose business?" Jack asked. He was standing at the door, hands in his pockets, and bouncing on heels of his feet.

They all turned to look at him. "Oh, Jack, hi," Daniel said. "We, ah…we were just…um…"

"Being nosey?" Jack asked.

Daniel had the grace to at least look slightly guilty. "Um, well, you know."

"Indeed he was," Teal'c cut off Daniel's rambling.

Jack raised his eyebrows. "But not you?"

Teal'c stared back calmly. "I have no need. Daniel Jackson would tell me anything he learned. I merely happen to be here, while he is being nosey."

"Wow, Teal'c, thanks for backing me up," Daniel said sourly. He turned back to Jack. "So… I hear you two talked."

Jack looked at Sam. "Not that it's any of your business, but yes, we did."

"And?" Daniel prompted.

"And, as the General said," Sam told him, "it's none of your business."

"But…" he looked between the two of them, "you both seem so much better today."

"Let's just say we've come to an understand, right Colonel?" Jack quirked a small grin at her.

"We have," Sam confirmed.

Daniel huffed. "Oh, come on guys, give me something here. Do you know what you've put me…and...and Teal'c through?"

"They have put me through nothing, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said smugly. Jack had the distinct impression that Teal'c knew more than he was letting on, but decided not to think too hard about it.

Jack chuckled. "Good to know, T. Daniel, leave it."

Giving him a sour look, Daniel turned to Sam. "I'm hurt you know. Hurt. I pushed you two to talk, and now, nothing?"

Sam just rolled her eyes. It was hard not to tell him anything, but after all the years of being bugged by him about Jack-she loved thinking of him as Jack, instead of Colonel or General-she thought it was fun to keep him hanging on. He'd find out soon enough.

"So," Jack clapped his hands together, "anyone up for lunch."

"I am always up for lunch, O'Neill."

"It's amazing you haven't bankrupted the Air Force with your appetite," Jack said with a smile. He was going to miss this, and it made him momentarily sad. He flicked his eyes to Sam, and remembered how much he was gaining though.

Sam stood and walked toward the door. "Absolutely. Think they have blue Jell-O?"

"Carter, don't you know I've given a standing order on keeping blue Jell-O in the commissary?" Jack asked.

"You're too good to me…Sir," she hastily added.

"I know." He lowered his voice so only she could hear. "20 hours 26 minutes."

Sam smiled, and followed him into the hall, with Teal'c right behind. Jack realized Daniel wasn't with them, and turned back to poke his head into Sam's lab. Daniel was sitting on a stool, staring at the wall. "You just gonna sit and sulk?"

"Maybe," Daniel replied.

"Come on Danny-boy. Tomorrow is my last day. You could at least me nice and have lunch with me."

"I guess." Daniel stood.

"So, you still taking me up on the offer to the cabin?" Jack had asked them, long before he decided to leave early.

Daniel shrugged. "Guess so. Teal'c and I will fly up a week from tomorrow."

Jack slapped him on the back. "Good, that will give me and Carter a chance to get everything ready before you two arrive."

Daniel stopped in his tracks, his eyes wide. "You…and Sam?"

Jack gave him a wink. "Come on before the cake is all gone."

**Okay, so they didn't really get confirmation, but they will. ;) Be patient.**


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